Suicide / Question
Published: September 30, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'll be 17 in September; I've been cutting since I was 13. I have severe mood swings, as an example, I'll be extremely happy one day, and the next, I've got a razor blade in my hand carving away at my pallid skin. Cutting has been the only thing that has helped me with my pain so far. I've thought of suicide, but who doesn't, right? I've even written suicide notes, like three times but I just can't do it. I don't know why. August 2002 I wrote my mom a letter, and told her what was going on. When she read it she laughed at me. Said that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was only doing it for the attention. That's not true. Not many people know of it. My friend has helped me a lot. I need more help though. Mother won't take me to see anyone. And I'm afraid to go talk to someone by myself. I don't know what to do. I just keep drifting off further and further. If it weren't for my friend, I wouldn't even be alive right now. He's kept me alive. I can 't depend on him anymore. I want to be strong. I want to handle myself by myself. Please, just tell me anything.
Signed: I Want To Handle Myself By Myself
Dear I Want To Handle Myself By Myself,
It seems like you know that you cannot handle what is going on all by yourself - you have already asked your mom for help and are getting support from your friend. It is not fair to yourself or your friend to depend on him. Being depressed, suicidal and cutting is not something for anyone to deal with alone. It is not about being strong, emotional problems can be very complicated and often require professional help.
TeenHealthFX urges you to talk with your mom again. Let her know that you are serious and it is not for attention - you can even show her this answer. If your dad is around, talk to him, too. Parents usually want to help and support their children but sometimes it can be difficult for them to acknowledge that their kids are dealing with depression or are suicidal. If your parents do not respond in a helpful way, talk to another adult that you trust, like a school counselor, a relative or your doctor about the situation. They may help your parents understand your need for treatment. If they cannot convince your mom to get you treatment, then they would be obligated to call your local child protective services. This would not be to punish your mother; it would be in an effort to get you treatment for your depression. You can also call child protective services on your own and report your situation. If you live in northern New Jersey call the Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS) at 800.792.8610. If you live outside of NJ log onto ChildHelp USA to find out how to report where you live.
To find a therapist in northern New Jersey, call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. If you live outside of this area log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals near you.
Also, check out our section on cutting and depression for more information about both issues.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Among male drivers between 15 and 20 years of age who were involved in fatal crashes in 2005, 38% were speeding at the time of the crash and 24% had been drinking.
