Depression / Question
Published: November 11, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I had such a horrible night last night, and I won't get into it because it's not a big part of what I need to say. But I was crying so much last night, and cutting myself because my dad was so angry with me. I got in a car accident and it happened in front of the house where there was a party going on. The damages are going to be well over a couple of thousand dollars so he was so mad to the point where I thought he was going to cry. I was just bawling in my room, and making myself bleed, and I told my best friend that I think I might have a problem because I've been weird lately. She said that she saw my cuts and that I'm embarrassing because I'm just doing it for attention. It really kills me that she thinks that. I told her that it wasn't true and all she said was "okay cool." She used to cut herself too but all she did was scratch her wrist until it became red and that doesn't even hurt. SHE did it for attention, and now she's accusing me for what happened with her. I've even been wearing long sleeved shirts since school started because I don't want people to see them. I don't understand why my best friend won't comfort me and just help me through it. That's why I can't tell anyone.. not even my dad, because he'll say the same thing. I can't trust anyone. She just made me feel like a shittier person. I was thinking about writing her an email, but I don't know because I am really bad with confronting with people... I hate it. I really felt like killing myself last night. I was thinking of different ways to do it. I think I had a nervous breakdown because I was cleaning out my car since my dad is going to sell it... and I just fell on my knees and started crying and screaming, punching the wall, pulling my hair, and just cutting... what is wrong with me? why can't I stop this? Should I just move in with my sister, and have her take guardianship over me, and just get out of here.. this town... with these people?
Signed: Horrible Night Last Night
Dear Horrible Night Last Night,
TeenHealthFX realizes that you have a lot going on in your life and we are glad that you wrote. Cutting yourself and feeling like you want to kill yourself is no way to live.
Although you say you cannot trust anyone, you need to tell someone that you need help. You say you cannot tell your father, is your mother around to talk to? If not, try telling your father exactly how bad you are feeling and that you want to get professional help. Most parents have their children's best interests at heart - they want their children to be healthy and happy. You can show them your question and our recommendation to get professional help to start a conversation with them and let them know you want help. You can also talk to another trusted adult like a teacher, school nurse or counselor or your pediatrician and let them help you approach your parents for help.
If you live in northern
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
An online resource for cutting is Self-Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E.).
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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