TeenHealthFX - Answers - Suicide Is Starting To Look Better

Suicide / Question
Published: September 18, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I really need help. I'm a 14-year-old male in high school and I'm on the football team. For the past few years, I haven't had any friends and I was always pushed around (even by people weaker than me). I knew high school would give me a fresh start, so over the summer, I worked as hard as I could to change the way I acted (I rarely ever talked) and I made a lot of progress. At the beginning of this semester, everything started out great and I had the best time I've had in 2 years. But everything is starting to go down hill again. Everyone seems to be slowly turning against me more and more every day. I feel left out now and disrespected. Everyone walks all over me (not literally). I just got done praying the most serious prayer I've ever made in my life and cried my head off. I feel worthless. The part I don't like most is that suicide is starting to look better. I'm beginning to see it as a permanent solution to a life-long problem. I've tried so hard to change, but no matter what I do, I can't. I talk to plenty of people now, but everything comes out wrong and I sound like a loser. They usually end up walking away without saying much. I can't put in to words how this feels. I remember how I used to think that if I were gone, everyone would feel better and wouldn't miss me. It's slowly moving in that direction again. I know that if I keep this up, I'm never going to have a normal life and will never be able to enjoy it. I want to start seeing a therapist before it gets worse, so maybe I could fix the problem, but I don't want to tell my dad. TeenHealthFX... you have no idea how much it means to me that you respond to this...I really appreciate you reading this.

Signed: Suicide Is Starting To Look Better

Dear Suicide Is Starting To Look Better,

Suicide is a permanent solution to a workable problem. You say, "I've tried so hard to change, but no matter what I do, I can't." However, you also noted how much progress you had made at the beginning of high school. This should show you that you do have some control over the situation; you just need to learn how to sustain it. It also sounds that you are very hard on yourself. Maybe things do not always come out the way you would like but that does not make you a loser. Anxiety causes many teenagers and adult to become flustered in social situations.

You are absolutely wrong to believe that your death would be a relief for anyone. Your family and friends would be devastated. The loss of a loved one through suicide is one of the most painful experiences a person can have and one that haunts them for the rest of their lives.

Whatever reason you have for not telling your dad has to be put aside. If you cannot approach him directly then enlist the aid of an adult you trust. You have demonstrated hope by recognizing that you maybe able to fix the problem with the help of a professional. This is an important realization and requires that you take action. Your father most likely has health insurance that covers these services and if he does not there are clinics and hospital based programs that provide these services on your ability to pay.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX