TeenHealthFX - Answers - I'm Constantly Cutting

Suicide / Question
Published: November 12, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm constantly cutting. Before it was like once in a while, but lately, it's been close to everyday. Nobody knows how depressed and suicidal I am. I wear long sleeved shirts to school everyday, and I'm always joking around with people so nobody suspects a thing. But there are some times when I want someone to notice. I want someone to come to me to help me because I cannot go to him or her. I'm going to hold my head up and not talk to anyone because it will be too embarrassing. Honestly, talking to people doesn't do any good. I've tried, and my sister thinks there's nothing wrong with me, and my best friend thinks I'm doing it for attention. No matter what your advice is, I am not going to talk to another person unless he or she is a professional. I cry myself to sleep and I am always thinking about suicide. I can't concentrate in any of my classes and I can't do any of my homework because I am so f**king depressed and so emotionally unstable. If I try doing homework and I don't get it, then I will get frustrated and maybe even breakdown and start crying. I sometimes think I have mental problems. I don't know what the hell is so wrong with me. I don't know how I became this way. My best friend even said I freak her out sometimes. I have too many cuts on my wrist and I want to stop, but it is becoming habitual. I'm scared that one of these days my dad will make me so angry that I will want to make him sorry and slash my wrists until I die. I CAN'T TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS. My heart is shattered into a million pieces. I am not going to be ready for another nervous breakdown.

Signed: I'm Constantly Cutting

Dear I'm Constantly Cutting,

TeenHealthFX hears how difficult life has been for you lately, and we want you to know it can get better. You made the first step by writing to us; the second step is for you to reach out to someone who can help you. Even though it may be difficult, no one can help you unless you let them know that you are suffering. Cutting yourself and wanting to die is no way for you to live. (Check out TeenHealthFX's sections on Cutting and Depression for more information).

You can start by talking to your parents about how badly you are feeling (you can let them see what you wrote to us) and tell them that you want to talk to a professional about what is going on. A therapist or psychiatrist is trained to deal with emotional problems - it is a process that works best if you are totally honest even if you are embarrassed. If you cannot talk to your parents, talk to the counselor or nurse at school or your pediatrician. They can help you get the professional help that you need.

For help in finding a therapist in northern New Jersey, call the Access Center at Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals to therapists in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX