TeenHealthFX - Answers - Don't Want To Hear About Gay Friend's Sexual Experiences

Friendships: Dealing With People's Differences / Question
Published: December 2, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I have a friend who recently told me that he is gay. I have known him for a long time so this came a quite a surprise to me. The problem is that when we talk online (we go to different colleges), he insists on telling me all of his intimate sexual experiences. I do not know how to tell him that hearing about that kind of thing makes me uncomfortable without making him think I'm being homophobic. How can I get him to stop without being mean?

Signed: Don't Want To Hear About Gay Friend's Sexual Experiences

Dear Don't Want To Hear About Gay Friend's Sexual Experiences,

Being homophobic means feeling threatened by or scared of someone who is gay or lesbian. You say you were surprised to learn about your friend's sexual orientation, but you do not say whether or not you are comfortable with him. Therefore, FX is unsure as to whether you would be bothered by stories about sexual experiences from anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation - or if the stories only bother you because he is gay.

Remember, it is OK not to want to hear the intimate details of someone's sex life, no matter what their sexual orientation. If you truly are comfortable with the fact that your friend is gay, then you can convey to him your discomfort with his stories without making him feel that you are uncomfortable with his choices and with him. Simply tell the truth: let him know that while you still want to be a supportive friend, you would rather he keep the details of his sexual experiences private. We hope he will understand.

If you are wondering about how to understand and be good to your friend, you can check out PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays). They have lots of good information and resources.

Signed: TeenHealthFX