TeenHealthFX - Answers - Dealing With A Bully

ME & Relationships / Question
Published: March 10, 2004

Dear TeenHealthFX,

There's a kid at my school that has a very bad drug problem and is VERY mean 2 some people, like for instance me :( and she makes fun of me all the time and swears at me, but I never did anything 2 her. So, now that school's starting up again, I'm afraid she's gonna start spreading rumors about me and write in the bathroom stalls about me and stuff, and I was wondering if u had any tips on how to deal with my problem, where maybe we can work it out somehow... but I really don't want to get anymore involved with her... THANKS!

Signed: Dealing With A Bully

Dear Dealing With A Bully,

TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear about your situation and recognizes that it is very difficult to have someone that is constantly mean to you. Even though you do not want to get any more involved with this girl, in order to clear the air between the two of you, you might need to talk to her about things. It might be a little bit hard to confront her, but it will let her know how you feel about the situation and how it hurts your feelings.

One thing to keep in mind is not to confront her in a public place or in an angry manner. Causing a scene or being mean to her might make her mad and start teasing you right back. Instead, try to talk to her alone one day and see if she would be willing to sit down and try to work things out. If she agrees, make sure that you are honest with her about how she is hurting your feelings and ask her if there is something that you did to upset her (sometimes we do not realize how our actions affect other people- she might have some reason that is causing her to tease you that you do not know about). There might be a simple misunderstanding between the two of you, and perhaps you can work it out. Hopefully, by telling her how her actions are making you upset she will be willing to stop making fun of you- you guys do not have to be friends or anything- just able to get along without hurting each other's feelings.

There is a chance, however, that she will not want to discuss things with you, and that is her decision. In that case, it is best to try to ignore her when she is mean to you. You do not say how you react when she makes fun of you, but in general, people tease to get attention, and if you do not act interested in anything that she says about you she might get discouraged from bullying you. Another tip is to hang out with your friends. Being in the company of friends usually makes you more able to fight back when someone tries to hurt you and bullies tend to know that - a lot of times they do not attempt to tease you when you are in a supportive company.

You do not tell FX how old you are, but sometimes it is necessary to get an adult involved in the situation so that the teasing will stop. FX knows that it is hard to tell an adult about something like this, but sometimes only an adult's intervention can solve the problem. You can start by talking to a trusted adult, like a parent, teacher, or guidance counselor, and maybe he or she can give you some advice as to how best to approach this girl. Or, if her teasing has gotten to be too much (for example, she is writing things about you in the bathroom), he or she might have to talk to this girl and try to work things out on your behalf. You also mention that this girl has a drug problem, which is something that really needs to be handled by an adult. It is important that you tell someone about this so that this girl can get the help she needs to recover from her addiction. It is not your job to approach her about her drug problem, as that can be difficult to do; rather, by telling an adult someone knows about what she is going through and can take the steps necessary to get her on the road to recovery.

Signed: TeenHealthFX