TeenHealthFX - Answers - Sexually Active In A Love Triangle

Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: March 10, 2004

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I am in a weird relationship where there are two guys and a girl. Us three are sexually active in a love triangle sort of thing (we do not engage in group sex). And we are ok with the situation, except that we fear that the rest of the school may find out about the situation and receive bad reactions especially with the two guys coming out as Bi-sexual. How do you think we could better handle the situation?

Signed: Sexually Active In A Love Triangle

Dear Sexually Active In A Love Triangle,

Relationships can often times be confusing, particularly during your teenage years when you are developing your sexual identity. Being involved in a situation like this can complicate matters even further. Even though you mention that you are "ok with the situation", TeenHealthFX wants to remind you that it is important to pay close attention to how your relationships are affecting you emotionally. Being involved with more than one person at a time is emotionally complicated at best. FX can see that you know that this is not a typical relationship (you say that you fear getting a bad reaction).

You don't say how you are handling the situation now - do other people know? TeenHealthFX can't tell you how to handle the situation but wants you to consider the following: Have the three of you discussed and agreed to the terms of the relationship - like will you tell other people? What if someone wants to become sexually active? What if someone becomes unhappy in the relationship? That said, what goes on in your personal life should remain just that - personal. Part of the responsibility of being in a mature relationship is being grown up enough to protect the confidentiality of the situation if that is what is agreed to by everyone. If you and your partners are discreet, than disclosure really should not be an issue. How about if your parents find out? How will they feel? Does this go along with their values?

Along the same lines, whether the boys involved are bisexual or not is their own business. Sexuality can be viewed as a continuum, with homosexuality at one end and heterosexuality at the other. Most people fall somewhere in between, not strictly on one end or the other. This means that you can have sexual feelings toward both men and women and this is completely normal. Also, it is quite normal to find yourself bouncing around this continuum, especially as you go through your teen years. Wherever you decide your orientation lies, know that it is perfectly normal.

Our recommendation for you and your partners is to be as honest and open with yourselves and each other as you can be and also knowing what your limits are in the relations. If you or one of your partners is unwilling to honor and respect the other's wishes, then that person needs to think about being in this relationship. Also, if it does get out (which we know can easily happen at school) you will need to decide how to handle it and be prepared for the reactions you may or may not get.

Lastly, it is extremely important for you to understand that there are definite physical risks associated with engaging in sexual activity with more than one partner. If you are going to continue in this relationship be certain to you need to practice safer sex and go to a teen health center for information about how to keep you and your partners protected from pregnancy and STDs.

A teen health clinic can see you without your parent's permission, confidentially and on a low/no cost basis. Also, they can help to educate you in making the best possible decisions regarding sex, birth control and STD protection. If you live in Northern New Jersey you can contact the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at (973) 971.6475. If you live outside of Northern New Jersey, please call your local Planned Parenthood.

Signed: TeenHealthFX