Concerned About A Friend / Concerned About A Friend's Influence On Me / Question
Published: November 5, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
One of my best friends is a kleptomaniac. Whenever I'm at stores with her she steals things. She's been having problems with her family life and I really want to help her but I'm really not sure how. She's a good person and I know that she doesn't want to have to deal with this disease. Please help!
Signed: Friend with Kleptomania
Dear Friend with Kleptomania,
It seems as though you really want to help your friend. Kleptomania is a serious disease, and there are certain signs that can help you to tell if your friend is a true kleptomaniac - otherwise, she may actually be a compulsive shoplifter or be stealing for other reasons. Symptoms of true kleptomania include:
- Taking objects without planning ahead
- Repeatedly taking things that are not valuable or needed
- Feeling increased tension right before the theft
- Feeling pleasure or relief at the time of the theft and
- Stealing without feelings of anger or revenge
You can help your friend by talking to her about how you feel about her stealing and that she can get into legal trouble because of it. If she really is a kleptomaniac and cannot control what she is doing, she may need professional help. It is a good idea for her to talk to her parents, too, but it might be difficult given that she is having trouble at home. You could also have her ask her doctor, school counselor, or school nurse to recommend a therapist. If you live in northern
Sometimes, people steal for reasons other than being kleptomaniacs. Teenagers may steal to get attention, on a dare, or as a way to "get even" with their parents. It is unclear from your question whether or not your friend is having trouble at home because of her stealing or independent of it. If it is not the cause of her trouble at home, it could actually be a result of it. Stealing may be her way of trying to "get through" to her parents that she needs some attention, especially if they are fighting with one another. And, she may not even realize that she is doing this.
While it is important for you to talk to your friend, you want to make sure you are clear that you are not judging her behavior but rather want to help her get through this. You can also direct her to - I Shoplift - This is a question on TeenHealthFX which talks about another teen's experience with shoplifting. You cannot force your friend to get help for herself, but you can encourage her and be supportive. It also may be a good idea to steer clear of shopping areas when you are with your friend so you do not get into trouble, too, by being around your friend when she shoplifts.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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