Sibling Issues / Question
Published: November 5, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I have four sisters. One of them passed away. I get along with the oldest one but I don't get along with the other two because they don't care about me and because they don't like my mom. They all live in Honduras and now my oldest sister came to live here. All she and my dad talk about is about my other two sisters. I get mad because I hate my other two sisters. Sometimes I cry because it hurts to know two of my sisters don't care about me. I want to tell my dad I don't like them. But I don't know how to tell him. What should I do?
Signed: I Don't Like My Sisters
Dear I Don't Like My Sisters,
TeenHealthFX is glad that you wrote. The unhappiness you are feeling with your family is very apparent from your letter.
It is important to talk to your dad about your feelings, but simply saying that you "hate" your other two sisters is not the best way to do so. You need to sit down and carefully think about why you feel your sisters do not care about you. Did they do something specific in the past that made you think this way? Have they treated you unkindly? Once you have come up with some reasons why you feel your sisters do not like you, you need to sit down with your father and be honest with him. Tell him how much your relationship with them upsets you and sometimes makes you cry, and how it is even worse because he and your other sister are always bringing them up. Maybe you and he can come with some ways that you can improve your relationship with your sisters. It might be kind of hard because they live in Honduras, but it will be worth it if it helps you to feel better about your family situation. Your dad might also try not to talk about your sisters as much when you are around, so that you are not constantly reminded of them.
Once you have talked to your dad about things, you might want to talk to your oldest sister, too. Let her know how uncomfortable you feel about your relationship with your other two sisters, and maybe she can share some of their positive attributes with you. Perhaps since they live so far away, you are getting a different impression of them than she had while living with them. This will hopefully strengthen your relationship with your older sister, too, which also has many benefits.
Having a sister pass away is a very difficult experience to go through, and it is possible that this is affecting your relationship with your other sisters. If you have not done so already, you should probably talk to a therapist or member of the clergy about how you are coping with this loss. He or she might be able to give you some more advice about how to improve your relationship with your sisters as well. If you need a therapist and live in northern New Jersey you can call the Access Center at Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400 for an appointment.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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