Same-Sex Relationships / Question
Published: April 15, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I’m an 18 year old male and am gay. One of my best friends is gay also and we have engaged in oral sex. I fell in love with him and though I never asked I know he did not feel the same way. I don't have those feelings for him now but I’m concerned I will never have the courage to talk to another man for fear of being rejected or him not being gay - I don't want to make a fool of myself. I don't want to be alone and I feel not only sad but despair at times. Can you help me?
Signed: 18 YO, Gay - Don't Want To Be Alone
Dear 18 YO, Gay - Don't Want To Be Alone,
FX understands that you are feeling sad, and we want to reassure you that even though it feels like you may never have the courage to talk to another man, you will. It is very common to fear rejection when it comes to romantic relationships - no matter what your sexual orientation. Everyone worries about feeling foolish.
It may be difficult to meet other gay men right now, especially because many people your age are still questioning their sexual orientation. We recommend that you try to join an organization at your school or in your community for gay/lesbian/bisexual youth. If you have trouble finding a gay and lesbian community center or organization in your area, you can call Youth Enrichment Services at the Gender Identity Project (212-620-7310). They are based in
While we know that coming out can be difficult, FX recommends that you speak with someone about how you are feeling - a parent, a teacher, or a counselor at your school. If you are uncomfortable speaking with anyone you know, and you live in
FX is concerned that you say you feel despair at times. If you feel that you are in such distress that you may harm to yourself, then you should go to the nearest hospital emergency room for an emergency psychiatric consultation. You can also call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
We also recommend looking online for websites that serve gay youth. We have listed some in our links section under Sexuality and Sexual Health.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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