TeenHealthFX - Answers

Friends / Question
Published: May 24, 2005

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I am a 16 year old female, and all of my friends are two years older then me. They are is one of the grades that are graduating from highschool this year, and I still have another year after them. They are everything to me... and I honestly don't have anyone my age, because they are all snobs. All of my friends are going to the same college which is 2 and 1/2 hours away from our home town. One of my friends told me I should move with them and go to highschool where they are going to college for my last year, and i REALLY want too, because my last year could be with the people I care about. I don't know how to approach the situation... with my parents and everything... what I do?? I really want my last eyar of highschool to be with them... signed Left behind

Signed: Left Behind

Dear Left Behind,

FX understands that this is a big issue for you. It is really hard to think about friends moving away and not being able to see them on a day-to-day basis. Unfortunately, moving along with your friends as they go off to college is not really a realistic option, even though right now it probably seems to be the only way that you will be happy next year and be able to keep your friendships as they are now. There are a lot of reasons why this situation will not work out.

College is really different than high school. Academically, the classes are bound to be harder, which means that your friends will probably be spending more time studying than they do now. College schedules are not as regular as high school because people get to pick their classes and when to take them, which is really different from the daily 6-hour schedule that most high schools follow. And there are a lot of things that your friends are going to experience as college freshmen, like living in a dorm, eating meals in a dining hall, and interacting with new people in their classes and activities. While you will certainly be able to do some of these things with them, there will also be some activities that are for college students only, which might make you feel left out or lonely sometimes. Both you and your friends will make new friends at your schools, and the dynamic of your friendship is bound to change- not necessarily in a bad way, but it will change, nonetheless.

You also need to think about things like where you would live and what school you would attend. Living on your own is a serious responsibility, and includes things like figuring out how to afford rent, food, social activities and maintaining a car if you need one. You would also have to spend time cleaning your house, paying bills and running errands if you live on your own, which are things that most high schoolers do not want to have to worry about. And, you need to remember that you would be starting a new school as a senior, and have to make an entirely new group of friends to hang out with at school. This is not really a big deal and kids have to do it all the time, but it is something that you should keep in mind - even though your other friends would be nearby, they are in college and would not be as big a part of your daily life as they are now.

Even though it is going to be a hard transition to make, FX thinks you should let your friends go off to college and stay at your high school for your last year. Since your friends will only be 2 and a half hours away, you can surely go and visit them on weekends and school vacations, and be able to maintain your friendships pretty easily. It is going to be hard, but you are going to have to try to make some friends at your school. You can try joining some clubs or activities at school, so you will meet up with people that share similar interests with you. FX understands that this might be difficult for you to do, but it is the best thing to do. After you graduate you can go off to college with your friends if you still want to.

Signed: TeenHealthFX