Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: July 28, 2004
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a sixteen-year-old female sleeping around with a 40-year-old married man. Why does everyone think this is wrong?
Signed: 16 YO Sleeping With A 40 YO Married Man
Dear 16 YO Sleeping With A 40 YO Married Man,
For the most part, it is unhealthy, exploitive, dangerous and not to mention illegal. TeenHealthFX wants you to know that you are not at fault here. This forty year old is committing a serious criminal act for which he could spend time in jail. The law recognizes that there are people who exploit children and adolescents for their own sexual gratification. There is an understanding how devastating this behavior can be to a young person and the legal system recognizes its responsibility to protect the minor. If you think your relationship is different or that people do not understand that you are in love, this is a strong indication that you have been inappropriately influenced by this man.
Another issue to consider is how isolated from your peer group you will become as a result of this relationship. Because the relationship is inappropriate is has to be conducted in secret. Since you most likely want to protect this person so you cannot talk to others (including your friends) about issues that come up. You become dependant on this man, which makes controlling you much easier for him.
TeenHealthFX strongly encourages you to end this relationship immediately. FX understands that you believe that you love this person but this association is unhealthy for you for many reasons. There is an inequity in power in the relationship that puts you in a position to be exploited. Men who are attracted to young girls very often do so because they can be in total control of the relationship. What you may feel is special attention really is a manipulation on his part.
The best thing you could do is to seek out professional counseling as soon as possible to help you sort out this issue. Therapy will provide you the support and guidance to get through this difficult situation. Your therapist will help you clarify your thoughts on whether or not you should disclose your sexual relationship. For your own well-being do not have any more contact with this man.
If you need help finding a therapist and live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Statistics show that giving a teen a credit card does not teach them to be financially responsible or to encourage self-restraint, but actually promotes a “spend now and deal with the consequences later” mindset.
