Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: November 21, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm in a weird situation. I'm 14 and my boyfriend is 15. He has two younger brothers, 10 and 8, who are friends with my 12-year-old brother. They live with their dad right next to me. Their dad is very weird; he takes a lot of different medications and has accidents a lot (he fell asleep at the wheel in broad daylight). I always thought he was a little odd, but recently I've been at his house a lot visiting my boyfriend, and I've found out some very weird stuff. Their dad always walks in on them in the bathroom. I thought that was odd, but they are all guys, so I disregarded it. But one day I went over and the two younger boys were taking a shower, WITH their dad. I found that really weird. I told my boyfriend he should tell his mom about it (they share custody) but he says its no big deal. His dad has never done anything to him that I know of, but he still doesn't want his mom to know about the stuff. Another odd thing is that they have a two-bedroom house, but the father and the 10-year-old boy share a small bedroom instead of the two younger boys. I was worried there might be some sort of molestation, so I told my mom and the boys' mom. But I haven't mentioned the shower thing yet, because I don't want my boyfriend to be upset. Should I mention it to my parents even though I have no proof he is actually molesting them? I'm really confused
Signed: Concerned Girlfriend - Molestation?
Dear Concerned Girlfriend - Molestation?,
TeenHealthFX understands the difficult position you are in with this situation, since it directly involves your boyfriend and his family. We also think you did the right thing by informing your parents and the boys' mom of your observations and concerns. TeenHealthFX recommends telling the whole story ("shower thing" included) to both your parents and the boys' mom.
You mentioned having "no proof of molestation." Proof is not your concern. By telling the proper adults, you are simply saying, "I saw this and am concerned." It is the responsibility of the adults involved to find "proof," if any actually exists. And it is the responsibility of the adults involved that the situation be looked into, if necessary. As a young person, you have to rely on and trust the adults involved to handle to the situation correctly.
TeenHealthFX wants to warn you that your revelation about your boyfriend's home situation may cause some strain in your relationship. He may be angry, upset and/or ashamed you mentioned these things to his mom and other adults. If this happens, explain your concerns calmly and that you did only what you thought right. Remember if there is nothing to be concerned with, then nothing will come of it.
Once again, TeenHealthFX recognizes how difficult all this must be for you. Telling the truth is not always easy, but definitely the right thing to do. If you are having difficulty handling the situation or just want to talk about it, do so with a trusted adult - perhaps your parents, a teacher or counselor. Discussing your concerns may make you feel better and help to deal with the awkwardness of the situation.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
