Not Satisfied With Being Single / Question
Published: May 28, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi, I'm 15 years old and I am wondering if it is abnormal to want a girlfriend as bad as I do. Although I do want to have sex, what I really care about is having a girlfriend to hold, someone that cares about you. My greatest desire is to sleep with a girl, not have sex with her, and just hold her in my arms. I feel very lonely, I don't go out much, and I spend most of my time playing online games. Is it unhealthy to like my life in an online game more than my actual life? I've never had a girlfriend, nor do I believe that I will ever have one. I think this has to due with the fact that I hate myself and I don't see why anybody would ever love me. I weigh 195lbs. but I weighed 240lbs. 3 months ago.
Signed: 15 And Want A Girlfriend Bad
Dear 15 And Want A Girlfriend Bad,
TeenHealthFX wants you to know that it is perfectly normal for you (and everyone else, for that matter) to want to love someone and be loved.
Our first suggestion is that you spend less time playing online games and more time meeting people. While it is not uncommon to find the online world safer than the real world, it does not sound like you are feeling happy right now and totally fulfilled. The online world can isolate you from the very thing that you want - an intimate relationship. Try joining a club at school or in your community - there are even clubs for people who like to play games. By spending less time online and more time being social, you will meet new people and also build your confidence.
You mentioned your weight. While it is always important to maintain a healthy weight by eating healthy and getting regular exercise, we hope that you will begin to realize that there are more important things about you than your appearance.
TeenHealthFX is concerned that you say you hate yourself. We suggest you talk to a parent, teacher, counselor at your school, or any adult who you trust about how you have been feeling. It may help just to get it off your chest and they might even suggest that counseling could help you feel better about yourself.
It is normal to struggle with self-esteem issues at your age, but here are some things you can try in order to start thinking more positively about yourself:
- Begin positive self-talk; do not put yourself down
- Do quality work; then compliment yourself to yourself
- Set goals
- Dress successfully or dress in a way that makes you feel good about yourself
- Speak up and let others know your views
- Tackle the things you fear; do not put them off or fuss over them
- Forgive yourself as you would forgive others
- Continue to learn and be observant
- Change undesirable habits and develop productive habits
- Seize opportunities to learn new skills
- Stand up for others
- Maintain good physical condition
- Appreciate what you can do, rather than what you are unable to do
- Do not compare yourself to others
- Count your blessings
- Go the extra mile to do your best
- Believe in yourself
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens whose parents talk to them regularly about the dangers of drugs are 42% less likely to use drugs than those whose parents don’t, yet only 1 in 4 teens report having these conversations. 
