Parents & Family / Question
Published: May 28, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
How do me and my mom not argue? I don't hate her, I just get frustrated with her sometimes. She does this only with me. We both need tips on how to fix the problem.
Signed: How Do Me & My Mom Not Argue?
Dear How Do Me & My Mom Not Argue?,
The teenage years can be confusing - you are in the process of growing up and asserting your own identity, and your struggle to become independent from your mother, who has cared for you all your life can create some friction. Your mom is probably struggling too - she took care of you when you were completely helpless and dependent on her, and she has to start seeing you as a more grown up individual.
We are glad to hear you do not hate your mom, and from the way you asked the question, it sounds like you both want to work things out. This is an excellent first step. We suggest you try talking to your mom in a calm moment. Tell her that it bothers you that you two argue so much, and see what kinds of solutions you can come up with together. If you are having trouble getting the conversation started, you might even show her this answer. If she sees that this concerns you enough that you took the time to write us a question, she will most likely want to cooperate with your efforts to create more peace.
We suggest that when you feel an argument coming on, take a few moments to calm down and see if you can discuss the problem without getting frustrated. You both have to meet each other half way - each of you needs to listen to the other. This may take some effort on your part, as you have never been a parent, but if you make an effort to see her side of things you may find you argue less.
Finally, keep in mind that no matter what you do, you and your mom are going to get on each other's nerves once in a while - that is how it is with family members, no matter what age. However, talking things over and having the tools to solve problems constructively should help you both feel less frustrated. For other thoughts on this question, read the answer to Fighting With Mom.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
7-10% of college students will drop out of school because of credit problems.
