Sibling Issues / Question
Published: January 12, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
my 8yr. old brother went to the doctor the other day and we found out that he has ADD or ADHD, or something like that. he needs to be put on medication but my parents are divorced so they dont agree on anything. and them not agreeing on anything is not helping my brother because my dad doesnt "believe" in medication for things like calming him down and helping him focus and stuff.but my mom does and so does the doctor.so he could be put on medication but they would have to go to court.and my mom would never do that. she even said it. but I think that she should go to court and not just for this. she should also go and tell them that his dad beats him.and everyone knows that children with ADHD should not be hit. I was just wondering if there was anything that I could do to help the situation.please help me!!! thank you.
Signed: My ADHD Brother
Dear My ADHD Brother,
TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear that you are going through this tough situation with your family right now. It’s obvious how much you would like to be able to do something to improve the situation – and it must be particularly hard since you may be feeling like the main people with the power to change things or do things differently are the adults in this situation, whether it’s your parents, the court officials, or the professionals treating your brother’s ADHD.
FX certainly cannot guarantee that any of these ideas will work, but here are some possible things to think about and try:
- Ask your mother to speak with the professionals treating your brother’s ADHD, or ask if you could speak to them yourself. Make it clear to these professionals that there are some serious issues regarding the conflicts your parents are having over the medication, and that you need to enlist their help in addressing these issues. Psychiatrists and therapists are very often used to dealing with parents who are disagreeing on a certain course of treatment for their child, as well as people who are initially resistant to the idea of medication. Once they are fully aware of the extent of this problem, the psychiatrist and therapist will hopefully be able to work with your parents towards a mutually agreed upon treatment plan for your brother.
- You could ask your mother if it would be possible for you to meet with your own therapist (or perhaps you could meet with a social worker in your school). Having your own therapist may be helpful in terms of providing you with support through this difficult time, helping you to develop helpful ways of coping with this situation, and possibly even meeting with your parents (either together or separately) to help them to understand how their fighting is affecting you as well as your brother.
- FX does not know what your relationship is like with your father, but if you feel like you have a decent relationship with him you may want to consider talking to him about your concerns about your brother, as well as how hard it is for you to be a witness to all this fighting. The same goes for your mother.
- You mentioned that your father is beating your brother, and that children with ADHD should not be hit. FX would like to stress that it is never helpful for any child, whether they have ADHD or not, to be beaten. Research has proven that there are other methods of discipline that do not involve physical violence that are just as effective, if not more effective, at addressing misbehavior. When it comes to children who have ADHD, as well as children with various types of learning disabilities or developmental delays, there are often different and special ways of addressing misbehavior that a mental health professional could educate a parent on. FX does not know the severity in which your father is hitting your brother – but if he is being hit to the point where marks are left on your brother’s body, that is considered child abuse. If that is the case, you should share this information with an adult, such as your mother, a school social worker, the professionals treating your brother’s ADHD, or your own therapist (if you choose to meet someone). It may be necessary for child protective services to be contacted. In NJ the contact would be DYFS at 1-877-NJ ABUSE.
Again, whether it is a therapist or a counselor at school, FX strongly recommends that you find someone you trust with whom you can share your concerns. That person can talk with you in detail about your concerns and help you to figure out the best ways possible for you to handle the situation.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Underage drinking costs the 
