Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: April 28, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My best friend's boyfriend is cheating on her and he is cheating with me. If I tell her she would never talk to me ever again. I really like him but she is my best friend. I dont know what to do please help!! signed, stuck in a luv triangle
Signed: Stuck In a Love Triangle
Dear Stuck In a Love Triangle,
TeenHealthFX is a bit confused – if this girl is your “best friend” then we are unsure what made you feel it was okay to be hooking up with her boyfriend? The fact is that if this girl finds out that her boyfriend was cheating on her with you, she may never want to speak with either of you again. This seems understandable considering two people whom she probably trusted and cared for very much acted in such a hurtful, disrespectful, and selfish manner – by your actions, you and her boyfriend both thought more about what would feel good for each of you and disregarded what this might mean for her.
If you care at all about this girl, then FX recommends that you stop seeing her boyfriend immediately. Even if you weren’t interested in trying to salvage your relationship with this girl, would you really want to stay with a guy you knew was okay about cheating on his girlfriends?
In terms of whether or not you tell your friend, you have three things to consider:
- If this guy is not planning on breaking up with her, do you feel she has a right to know about his infidelity so she can decide whether or not she wants to stay with him? (Our experience is that usually people get protective of their friends and do not want them dating anyone who is cheating on them or treating them in any other hurtful or disrespectful manner).
- If you feel you and her boyfriend can do the right thing on your own – meaning he end things with her and you never betray her in this way again – will telling her end up being too hurtful for her? Keep in mind that if you choose to do this it is because it would be easier on her, not because it would be easier for you.
- Regardless of what you and this guy plan on doing, do you feel she has the right to know what went on?
FX cannot tell you what to do – you need to consider what you did and think about these questions, and then do what you think is the most respectful and caring thing to do for your friend.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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