Parents & Family / Question
Published: March 29, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am 17 years old and cannot stand living at my house. I turn 18 in two months and I am thinking about moving away because my dad. I argue with him constantly about going out. I have gotten in trouble in my freshman year when I snuck out once and then he didnt trust me after that. I have matured and got more responsible and he still over-reacts about every small little thing. I have gotten physically abused by him and verbally abused by him almost everyday. I feel like I am nothing to him and cannot ever be good enough for him. I dont know what to do because everything that I do is not good enough for him. Even when I do something right, he finds something to get mad at me for. It doesnt matter what I do, I'll never be good enough for him. signed--I want out of here.
Signed: Almost 18 and Wants To Move Away
Dear Almost 18 and Wants To Move Away,
TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear that the past few years have been particularly rough for you. It is certainly understandable that after doing something like sneaking out of the house, a teen may lose the trust of his/her parents and may also subsequently lose certain freedoms and privileges. However, FX would also like to think that there is a certain understanding that teens (like anybody else) will make mistakes and that they do not necessarily need to suffer over their mistakes forever. After a reasonable amount of time has passed, and during this time that teen has been displaying a significantly increased sense of responsibility, FX would hope that parents would begin to feel more comfortable in building up trust in the relationship again.
If you are saying that your father is physically and verbally abusive on almost a daily basis, it sounds like what would make forgiving and rebuilding trust difficult for him is that he is an angry person who is more interested in, as you said, finding something to get mad about rather than wanting to forgive and focus on the positives.
FX recommends discussing your concerns with a trusted adult as soon as possible – whether it is a teacher, school counselor, private therapist, or extended family member. Since you are almost 18, and wanting to move out of your house, it is important that a trusted and responsible adult help you to figure out the best way for you to deal with this situation. You are legally allowed to leave home and be on your own at 18, however, if this is your choice FX wants to make sure that you feel you have a reasonable plan as to how you can do this in a way that ensures your ongoing safety and well-being.
FX is also unsure from your email whether or not there are other children in the house with you, and, if so, whether these children are also being physically and emotionally abused. If this is the case, it is also important to tell an adult about the situation so that child protective services can be contacted – or you contact child protective services on your own. If child protective services are contacted they will assess your home situation and decide whether or not it is safe for any children to be in the home. Counseling services will usually be implemented for the abusing parent, as well as for the children – and a case manager will generally check up on the family for a period of time to ensure ongoing safety in the home.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.
You can also contact the following hotlines and agencies if needed:
- Youth Crisis Hotline, 1-800-448-4663, 24 hours, 7 days a week. For youths, 17 years of age or younger who are in crisis.
- National Runaway Switchboard, 1-800-621-4000, 24 hours, 7days a week. Help if you have runaway or thinking of running away.
- Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-792-8610, 24 hours, 7days a week. For reporting physical or sexual abuse and to get help.
- DYFS (NJ child protective services) at 1-800-NJ-ABUSE.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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