TeenHealthFX - Answers - Does He Want More From Me, Too?

More Than Friends Or Just Friends / Question
Published: July 26, 2006

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I've seen at least two other girls concerned with the same thing. But my situation is slightly different. I've been knowing this boy for almost as long as I can remember. He and my friend who is like a brother have been friends for even longer. We've never been friends I guess I would say, well most of all of our relationship has been through my brother. He has had sex with two of my friends and recently he and I had sex. He's always been kind of flirty and nice to me. But we dont really talk a lot. And he just asked me to have sex with him again, I want to, but I'm afraid I want more than just sex from him. I'm wondering could he possibly want more from me too or is he just like all the rest and just wants sex. PLEASE HELP ME the mystery is driving me crazy.

Signed: Does He Want More From Me, Too?

Dear Does He Want More From Me, Too?,

TeenHealthFX cannot know for sure what this guy’s intentions are without knowing him in terms of whether he is only interested in a sexual relationship with you or if he wants more. You cannot control what he does and what he wants, and there is no way for you to read his mind and see exactly what he is thinking. So what you need to do is to focus on what is in your power and control, as well as to only do what feels comfortable for you. Here are some thoughts of what you could do:

FX suggests that you take look at his actions and see what they tell you. You said the two of you “don’t really talk a lot” and the main contact you have had is the two times you had sex and his recently asking you to have sex with him again. FX thinks that actions can speak louder than words – so what have his actions been telling you he is interested in?
You could see if he is interested in spending time with you in others ways than a sexual relationship by asking him to do something with you that has nothing to do with being physically intimate – go to the movies, go out to eat, or study together. If he seems interested in this and respects your wishes not to make any moves during this quality time, then chances are he is interested in getting to know you as a person.
You could tell him that you would like to spend time with him, but that you feel the two of you went too quickly in terms of having sex a couple of times without really getting to know each other. Ask him if he would mind slowing things down and getting to know each other more before being intimate again. Look as his words and his actions in terms of what his interest may be. If he does not want to spend the time getting to know one another, he is probably mainly interested in a sexual relationship. If he says the two of you can get to know each other, but then in his actions tries to turn every moment the two of you have together into a physically intimate experience, then he is also probably only interested in a sexual relationship with you.
You could also come right out and ask him – is looking for a relationship or just someone to “hook up” with right now? However, keep in mind, if he is hoping to continue a sexual relationship with you he may not say he only wants a hook up partner because he might worry that would scare you off. So again – you have to pay attention to how he acts towards you in terms of whether his behavior indicates a goal on his part of always wanting to make out or have sex.

In the future, FX wants you to consider two things in terms of deciding to become sexually active with someone. First, always make sure to practice safer sex to protect yourself against STDs and unwanted pregnancies. You can do a search on “safer sex practices” on this website, or speak with your primary care physician or an adolescent medicine specialist about the best safer sex methods for you.

Second, before rushing into having sex with someone, take some time to get to know him and give him some time to get to know you. That way, if the two of you ever do decide to become physically intimate with one another, you will feel more sure about who he is as a person and where your relationship with one another stands

Signed: TeenHealthFX