TeenHealthFX - Answers - Mind VS Heart

More Than Friends Or Just Friends / Question
Published: January 9, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm a 17 year old teen and have had a crush for a long time from now with one girl who I see a lot every day. I told her about my feelings but she gave me the "I've always liked you only as a friend" answer and I told her friendship wasn't going to be possible anymore, because it would only bring me pain. I thought the feeling was going to fade away but it hasn't. The thing is that I keep seeing her every day and we try to avoid each other - this has stressed me out a lot and I really don't know what to do to make the feeling go away. This really isn't healthy for me and it is frustrating that I don't want her in my life but I still really like her. What should I do?

Signed: Mind VS Heart

Dear Mind VS Heart,

This is a tough question - unfortunately without a simple answer.

Although you have had strong feelings for this girl in a romantic way for a long time, it sounds like you need to give getting used to the idea of having her as just a friend some time, too. It will take some getting used to, but time does soften the sting of these kinds of situations. Besides, if you truly care about her then that means that there are qualities that she has that you value in a person and would like to be around. She is likely someone that you admire, respect and enjoy spending time with. There is nothing wrong with having someone like that in your life - especially as a friend.

Trying to physically distance yourself from her brings the old saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" to mind. The more you make an issue not to see her, the more you are going to think about her and want to be around her. What's more, it is no doubt adding to your feelings of frustration to say nothing of your stress level. Why do that to yourself - and her for that matter?

Rather than hiding from her - and your feelings - how about try facing them and deal with them head on, as best as you can. You have to respect her feelings and accept that friendship is all she is capable of with this relationship. Why not take her up on it and be her friend?

Talking about situations like this often is helpful, too. Many schools offer peer counselors and mentoring groups that deal with these sorts of issues. You might also try talking to another close friend, teacher or coach who can lend a sympathetic ear - and maybe some more good advice.

Signed: TeenHealthFX