Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: March 26, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Ok I am really close to my p.e. teacher, we do a lot together. Like I have gone to his home town, and meet his family. Which I get along with really well. I go to his house and watch movies like every weekend. Four months ago, my grandpa died and he was the only one that helped me through it, he went to the funeral with me, and he left me stay at his house (no we didn't sleep together I slept in his bed and he slept on the couch). Well about two months ago he was sent to the army for a year. He was home for 4 days and I spent the whole time with him. We went out to eat and then watched movies. After the night was over he kissed goodnight. I want to know if what we are doing is wrong. I don't feel it is, because we haven't done anything sexualy.
Signed: Wrong To Be Close To P.E. Teacher
Dear Wrong To Be Close To P.E. Teacher,
It is difficult for TeenHealthFX to tell you whether or not your relationship with your teacher is "wrong." Technically speaking, if there has been no sexual contact between you, then no one is doing anything illegal. However, the fact that you wrote to us implies that you have some concerns about this relationship, and we can try to help you sort those feelings out.
You do not say how old you are, but we are imagining there is a significant age gap between you and your teacher. While it sounds like he has been very caring towards you, FX is a little concerned about how much time you and he have been spending together. Look at it this way: when you are the age your teacher is now, you will have finished high school and maybe college, you will have experienced many more relationships than you have at present, and you will be in a completely different place in your life. It is unlikely you will be interested in a close friendship with someone who is your current age. You and that person would be in very different stages in your life.
If you wish to continue the friendship, it needs to be very clear that you are only interested in friendship and support. If your teacher truly cares for you, he will feel the same way.
It sounds like you are already aware that it would be inappropriate for this relationship to become sexual (we are a little bit concerned about the kiss goodnight you mentioned). While it sounds like this teacher cares for you very much, the difference in age and the fact that he is a teacher at your school gives him power over you. We want you to understand that he would be breaking the law if you two engaged in any sexual contact. If your relationship with this teacher ever starts to make you feel uncomfortable, we suggest you tell your parents or another adult who you trust right away.
We also hope that you have a good network of friends at school. It sounds like your teacher has been a very important source of support for you, but it is also important for you to have friends your own age.
You also do not say how your parents feel about this relationship. Are you totally open with them about your relationship with this teacher? A good indicator of a relationship being okay is the ability to be open about it with your family and friends. If you are feeling that you need to hide certain aspects of this relationship, then it probably has crossed the line into being an unhealthy one.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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