Parents & Family / Question
Published: March 12, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
hey,im am almost 13 years old and i barely know my mother. i know that sounds wierd but i am adopted and i get teased at school also. my birth mother drinks, does drugs, and she smokes. i love her and have tried to tell her over to the phone to stop and she will be able to visit me sometimes. she thinks that i am a stupid kid that dosent even know how to count to ten. this hurts me very much, so i beg her to be clean and stop all the stuff she does. last time i saw her she was drunk and she didnt even reckonize me. what should i do? Please respond! signed mother a drunk
Signed: How Do I Deal With My Birth Mother?
Dear How Do I Deal With My Birth Mother?,
TeenHealthFX appreciates that it can be very hard to deal with various kinds of adoption issues. FX is sorry to hear that you are being teased at school because you are adopted, and that you are feeling so concerned about your birth mother right now – and we think that it is important that you get some guidance and support for yourself in terms of dealing with both of these issues.
As far as being teased in school for being adopted, FX thinks that it is very important that you speak to your adoptive parents as well as a school staff member about this so that some adults can intervene in the situation. Teasing can have a tremendous effect on people, and it is important that you feel protected by the adults around you and that you are not alone in dealing with this. FX also wants you to remember that there is no shame in having been adopted. It is not any kind of negative statement about who you are as a person – so do not let what your peers say ever make you wonder about that.
In terms of dealing with your birth mother, it sounds like she is not in a healthy place right now if she is smoking and abusing alcohol and drugs. FX understands that this must bring up sadness and anger for you – because if she can’t be loving towards herself and take good care of herself, it will make it nearly impossible for her to be able to do the same for anyone else, including you. What FX wants you to know is that how she is functioning is not your fault and that only she has the power to change what she does. You can make suggestions that she get treatment for the substance abuse, you can encourage her to live a healthier life, and you can let her know how her behaviors impact you – but in the end nobody can force her to do anything and it is up to her how she chooses to live her life.
Since this must be a difficult situation for you to deal with, and because your birth mother may not make the changes you would like her to make, FX thinks that it is important for you to speak to a therapist about your concerns. A therapist can help you to find healthier ways to cope with the situation, and can help you to deal with any feelings of sadness or anger that might be coming up for you. A therapist can also help you to remember that what is happening with your birth mother is not your fault and is not a reflection of the kind of person you are.
If you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
About a third of women who seek services related to unprotected sex, such as pregnancy testing or emergency contraception, do not receive STD counseling, testing, or treatment.
