Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: May 28, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Im 19 and he is 22.I have known the love of my life for 6 years and we have been on and off for 2 years and we have been doing alot better now and talking about getting a house etc. but we started fighting because of work. we work together and of course other guys work their and if i ask someone for help he seems to think that im cheating or flirting or whatever. it frustrates me because when i try to talk to him about it but he doesnt let me speak. he just automatically makes assumptions.ive never cheated on him before but his ex that he was with for 3 years has.so i feel like maybe he has those insecuritys about me because of his past relationships. i just want to find a way for him to believe me but i dont know how. i love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him i know that. what do i do to stop the fighting and our stress over it.
Signed: Love Of My Life Worries I'll Cheat On Him
Dear Love Of My Life Worries I'll Cheat On Him,
TeenHealthFX thinks that the first thing you need to do is to find a way to communicate how you are feeling to your boyfriend since you said that when you bring this issue up he will not let you get a word in. Whether your start the conversation by saying something like, “I have something very important that I need to say, and I need you to sit and listen and let me finish what I have to say because our relationship is really at stake here,” you write your feelings in a letter to him, or you say to him that you want the two of you to meet with a couples counselor who can guide a conversation between you where both of you can be heard.
Once you have his attention, it is important that you clearly state your feelings about this issue – that you can appreciate that he may be very anxious about the cheating issue because of past experiences, but that you are not his ex, you have no intention of cheating on him, and you are worried that if this issue is not dealt with the stress and fighting is going to start negatively affecting the relationship. Once you have made your feelings clear, it is important to work together on some kind of plan to address the issue – that the two of you will go to couples counseling, he will go to individual counseling, or any other ideas the two of you can come up with about how to resolve this.
It is important that you stress to your boyfriend that while you love him very much, you are not willing to be in a relationship where there is so much fighting, tension and lack of trust. And it is important that you keep standing up for yourself in terms of needing him to come up with some kind of plan as to how he is going to work on this jealousy issue. If you find that you need some support and guidance in how to deal with your boyfriend, you could also consider talking with a trusted adult or meeting with a therapist individually.
If you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Among male drivers between 15 and 20 years of age who were involved in fatal crashes in 2005, 38% were speeding at the time of the crash and 24% had been drinking.
