Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: June 11, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm facing a major dilema. I'm 19 years old. I've been dating my current girlfriend for almost two and a half years now. I love her to death. Her parents can't stand me. They think all I want is sex, which isn't true. They don't even know me that well. Her dad's abusive once in a while and her mom slaps her as well. Her parents are on the brink of divorce. By the way, she's 16 years old. Then, there's another girl who has always had feelings for me. She's always been a flirt. She lives closer to me than my current girlfriend and her mom absolutely loves me. She is only 15 years old. I understand that legally, we couldn't date, yet I seriously doubt her mom would have a problem with it. On the other hand, I have my current girlfriend. I'm torn between two girls and I can't stand it anymore. Is there any advice you can give me to get my head and heart on the same page again? Anything would be helpful! Signed, 19 Y.O. and confused
Signed: My Head And Heart Are Not On The Same Page
Dear My Head And Heart Are Not On The Same Page,
It sounds like you have very strong feelings for your current girlfriend – more so than the 15 year old. However, it also sounds like the stress of your’s girlfriend’s parents not liking you, the abuse she is going through, and the strain of her parents’ impending divorce may be too much for you to handle. And while your feelings for the 15 year old are not as strong, in dating her you would not have to deal with those kinds of stressors with her family. FX cannot tell you which girl you should be with, but suggests that you think about whether or not your current girlfriend and your relationship with her is worth dealing with the family stress you may have to continue to put up with.
Whether or not you stay with your current girlfriend or not, FX also suggests that you encourage her to talk to a trusted adult about the abuse she is dealing with at home. Your girlfriend should not have to deal with being physically abused, and it is important that a trusted adult intervene in the situation to get your girlfriend and her parents the help that they need so that the abuse can be stopped and dealt with.
FX also suggests that you reach out to a trusted adult to talk to about the situation. A trusted adult can provide you with some guidance and support as you make a decision here about who you want to be with. A therapist can also be helpful to you if you decide to stay with your current girlfriend in terms of how to more effectively deal with these family stressors.
If your girlfriend needs to reach out to someone to report the abuse occurring at home, she can contact the following hotlines:
- Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-792-8610, 24 hours, 7days a week. For reporting physical or sexual abuse and to get help.
- Youth Crisis Hotline, 1-800-448-4663, 24 hours, 7 days a week. For youths, 17 years of age or younger who are in crisis
If you or your girlfriend is interested in meeting with a therapist to get some guidance and support in the difficult situations you are each currently faced with, there are resources available for both of you. If you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
In the 
