Parents & Family / Question
Published: August 27, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My dad and I do not get along. He is always doing things that bug me and when I tell him that I got upset because he did something that bothered me he just says that he didn't know and that I am too oversensative. But the thing is, I tell him the things that bother me. And he just says I never told him that or that he forgot. Now that I am almost 17 it is way worse. He is always getting angry at me for litle things and he shouts all the time. In result, I get mad at him for things that seem little to him. He's always saying how he has no idea why I am so angry, even though I have told him all to reasons that I have a short temper with him and he says that he can't remember. Well, I am tired of this. I tell him these things and he doesn't care enough to remember so why should I keep telling him these things. Then when I say that he gets mad and says that he can't know if I don't tell him. And I'm not mad for stupid reasons, like he won't let me date an older gy or go to a party where theres no suppervision, its real reasons. He keeps secrets about himself, like that he's an alcoholic and goes out all the time and gets drunk, then drives home, not only risking his life but also his job because he will lose his CDL if he gets cited for drunk driving. And he and my mom are always fighting and he almost always starts it but says its never his fault cuz something my mom did or didn't do drove him to it and he didn't know what else to do. And he is a huge hipocrite and a liar. He tells me not to swear and that he never swears around me and then the next fight he starts he'll be spouting them off like there is no tomorrow. He also has bipolar disorder and depression I think. Yet he never told me or my sister, even though she is an adult. I know that this contributes to his anger problems but I have a hard time believing that he is really trying to control himself at all. He is crazy a lot of the times. How do I ease the tesion?
Signed: My Dad Is Dealing With Alcoholism and A Mood Disorder
Dear My Dad Is Dealing With Alcoholism and A Mood Disorder,
TeenHealthFX is sorry that you have such a conflictual relationship with your father and you are feeling at such a loss in terms of how to deal with him and how to ease the tension in your home. If you father is an alcoholic and currently drinking, as well as living with an untreated mood disorder (such as depression or bipolar disorder), his emotions and behaviors will subsequently be very problematic at times and it will be extremely difficult for those living with him or close to him to deal with.
FX thinks that the first person you need to deal with about this is your mom. It is important that you speak with her and let her know how concerned you are about your father’s drinking, his possibly having a mood disorder, and the subsequent relationship problems these issues are causing in the family. Let your mother know (and remind yourself), that this is not something you can handle alone and that you need her help. It is very important that you mother take your father on about his behaviors and emotional issues in terms of making it clear to him that she needs him to get help for these problems for his sake and the sake of his family.
If your mother is unable to listen to your concerns or be there for you in a helpful way, FX thinks that it is extremely important that you speak with another trusted adult about your concerns. This secret is not worth keeping because it is extremely destructive for so many of the people involved. Your parents are fighting, the house is filled with tension, you and your father are fighting, your father is in a self-destructive place, you are dealing with difficult situations and emotions all on your own, and there is the potential that your father could hurt himself or others if he is drinking and driving. So remember that you are not protecting or helping anyone by keeping this secret – and in the long run you are not doing yourself or him and favors by holding all this information inside.
FX thinks that it is very important that you find some support and guidance with this issue. You can speak with a school counselor, teacher, private therapist, or support group through Al-Anon. You can call the Al-Anon/Alateen Hotline at 1-800-344-2666, 8am-6pm EST. This hotline is for help for young people who are the relatives and friends of problem drinkers. You can also go to www.al-anon.alateen.org.
If you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
