Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: February 18, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Should I still be with my boyfriend that is 22 years old and have 9 kids and I'm only 16 but we love each other so much..I don't know what to do!!! We have been together for 7 months
Signed: Should I Be With My Older BF Who Has 9 Kids?
Dear Should I Be With My Older BF Who Has 9 Kids?,
There is a lot about you, your boyfriend and this relationship that TeenHealthFX obviously does not know. However, based on what you have said, there are a few things that FX is wondering about in terms of possible concerns:
- Generally, FX has concerns about a 22 year old who is dating someone 6 years younger than him- or herself. At 22 and at 16 there should be a decent difference in emotionally maturity, life goals and pursuits, and more. So FX is often concerned about where is 22 year old is at emotionally to want to date someone so much younger. In addition, this age difference can set up a situation where the 22 year old is much more in a power position, and, depending on the person, can use this power position to manipulate or control their partner in some way (even if it is subtle and not obviously apparent).
- In this particular situation, FX wonders what the father of 9 children is doing dating a high school student right now. It is hard to imagine that this man is being a responsible father to them if this is where his head is at, and it is also difficult to see this man as mature in terms of bringing 9 children into the world and using his time now to pursue a 16 year old.
- FX also has concerns about this man’s level of commitment – to his children and to the mother(s) of these children. And it makes FX concerned about his ability to commit to you, as well as whether or not you will become a young mother of one of his children, only to be put in the pile with all those he seems to have left behind.
- By staying with this man, you are setting yourself up to be in a very complicated situation. He has responsibilities to 9 children. If he is there for them as he should, how much time does that leave for the two of you? And if he is not there for him as he should, why do you want to be with a man who brings children into this world and then neglects them?
FX does have some serious concerns about this relationship. The fact that you are writing in suggests to us that you do as well. FX thinks it might be helpful for you to talk to a trusted adult about your ambivalence with this relationship – and to know that if you decide to end things with this man, there will be plenty of other opportunities for you to meet men you can love and who can be there for you the way you want them to be.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens whose parents talk to them regularly about the dangers of drugs are 42% less likely to use drugs than those whose parents don’t, yet only 1 in 4 teens report having these conversations. 
