Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: February 28, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Okay, if possible i need this question to be answered ASAP. I really like this guy, and he asked me if i have ever, "done it" before. I said no and then he asked me if i would do it. I said i guess but only with someone i truly cared about. He said "Would you do it with me?" I said i guess and now he wants to have sex with me. I'm a 13 yo. He is 16. I really like him but i don't know if i could have sex with him. He recently asked me to send a picture of myself in a bra. I'm so nervous and don't know what to do PLEASE HELP!!!! signed--Is he worth all of this
Signed: Is He Worth All Of This?
Dear Is He Worth All Of This?,
TeenHealthFX is very happy that you wrote into us for guidance with this situation. First of all, FX would like to say that we think that 13 is a very young age to be sexually active. There is so much to consider in terms of preventing the transmission of STDs and unwanted pregnancies, being emotionally ready to handle all of the feelings which can come up in regards to sex, and how physically mature the body is. This is an awful lot to put on the shoulders of a 13 year old.
Second, it sounds like you really like this boy, but we’re very concerned about how much he likes you versus liking the idea of having sex with you (they are two different things!). FX does NOT think that you should have sex with him at this point and definitely does NOT think that you should be taking any revealing pictures of yourself and sending it to him. Sex and sexy photos is an awful lot to trust someone with whom you haven’t even dated yet!
If you really like this guy and want to see if a relationship can develop, FX recommends that you tell this guy that you have been thinking about this issue of sex and that you are not ready to have sex with him or anyone else whom you have not been in a relationship with. Tell him if he would like to go out with you, he is welcome to meet your parents and spend more time with you – but that sex will not even be a consideration for at least a year or two. If he does not want to do any of this, then you know that he is interested in sex, not you (in which case, thank goodness you didn’t sleep with him or send him any sexy pictures of yourself!). If he is willing to meet your parents, go out of dates, and put a hold on any kind of physical intimacy until when and if you are ready, then you know he likes you for who you are and that he respects you. If you continue to date for some time (we’re thinking at least two years), you can decide if you are ready to lose your virginity and whether or not you like him enough for it to be with him.
There are many guys out there who are decent, kind and respectable guys – but there are also those out there who are able to turn on the charm to get where they want sexually. And there are others who could even use things such as revealing photos in a disrespectful or hurtful way. If you want to know how much a guy really likes you, then let him prove it to you over a period of months or years before giving up such a special part of yourself to him.
If you need more guidance in how to deal with this situation (or any future ones with guys), find a trusted adult to talk to such as your mom, dad, a teacher, school counselor, or even private therapist. Talking to adults who care about you is the best way to ensure that the decisions you make about your relationships are in your best interest!
Signed: TeenHealthFX
It is estimated that major depressive disorder (MDD) affects about 5% of adolescents, and that between 10 - 15% of adolescents have some symptoms of depression at any one time.
