Friends / Question
Published: March 4, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I have this problem with a friend. There's this girl I talk to online. She's depressed, and has a lot of other problems too. And I'm depressed too, so we sometimes talk to eachother to make eachother feel better. But lately all we've been doing is arguing. And I don't understand why she's mad. Everytime I try to get off she says something like, "You're leaving me jsut like everybody else". And whenever I sign on there's always a message from her. It says stuff like, "Figures you wouldn't be online" because I told her I wanted to spend less time on the computer to have more time to work on homework and focusing on things I like to do because I've been really stressed out lately. So she took it personally. And now everything I say is wrong. If I try to apoligize, she'll just tell me she won't drop it since I wouldn't. (I don't know what IT is.) Whenever I ask her to explain why she's mad she gets all frustrated and mad and says "I'm tired of explaining things to you." And whenever I try to defend myself when she says something mean she calls me a b*tch. I can't stand this anymore. I already have to listen to constant arguing with my mother and now her. I want to sotop tlaking to her but whenever I try to say something I worry it'll make her sad and she might hurt herself or something, or she says something to me that upsets me until I cry. She's been making me cry a lot latey. I don't know what to do. What should I do? PLEASE HELP!!
Signed: Constant Arguing With My Mom And Now My Friend
Dear Constant Arguing With My Mom And Now My Friend,
It sounds to TeenHealthFX that your friend is currently dealing with a lot of issues with other people in her life that she is then putting onto you. For example, when she says “you’re leaving me just like everybody else,” she is not really upset with you. She has obviously felt left or abandoned by other important people in her life – but, unfortunately, she is taking her anger about it out on you. FX thinks that you need to let your friend know that you are concerned about her. Tell her that when she yells at you or assumes negative things about you that you can’t help but wonder if something else is going on and if her anger really is about someone else and not you. Encourage your friend to talk to her parents, a school counselor, a private therapist or any trusted adult who can help her work through all of the emotions she is currently experiencing. Let her know that you will be there in whatever way you can to support her through this, but that you think she needs help from a trained professional and you also want to be clear that it is not okay for her to be cruel to you. If you worry that she will hurt herself, you can send her the information listed below on how to find a therapist and what to do if you are contemplating suicide. You can also let your parents or her parents know – someone who you think can intervene in a helpful way on her behalf.
FX also thinks it is important for you to be in some kind of therapy. If you are frequently arguing with your mother, FX thinks that it would be helpful for the two of you to be in family therapy together so that these conflicts can be addressed and, hopefully, reduced. In addition, FX recommends that you have your own therapist – someone who can be there for you with guidance and support, and someone who will be there to be helpful to you, not to argue with you.
If you live in northern
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Suicide is the third leading cause of death among youths ages 15 to 20. 
