TeenHealthFX - Answers - How Can I Break Up With My Boyfriend In The Least Painful Way?

Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: March 23, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Please answer this soon, I really need advice on this =( I plan on breaking up with my boyfriend of over a year and a half. How can I make it the least hurtful/painful for him (and me?). He didn't really do anything wrong. This is just a high school relationship, we've changed, and things need to move on. Please answer because I've been procrastinating and I need to move on. Thanks.

Signed: How Can I Break Up With My Boyfriend In The Least Painful Way?

Dear How Can I Break Up With My Boyfriend In The Least Painful Way?,

TeenHealthFX wants you to start by accepting the fact that there will undoubtedly be some amount of pain for both you and your boyfriend with this break-up. You have been together for 1 ½ years and you seem to have no ill-will with him – so even though you may be ready to move on, you may still feel a sense of loss and sadness about it. And your boyfriend may not want to break up – so most likely he will also feel some degree of sadness, loss, and maybe even anger about losing you. The important thing to remember is that these emotional reactions are normal and that there is not usually a way to completely avoid them.

To break-up in the best possible way given that the two of you have been together for so long, FX recommends the following:

Try not to procrastinate or avoid the situation – doing that usually just causes more hurt and pain in the end. If you have been together for 1½ years and nothing is really “wrong” with the relationship, then your boyfriend deserves the respect of dealing with this as soon as possible.
Find a time where you and your boyfriend can speak privately and without interruption. And think about a time where neither of you has to rush off somewhere right afterwards in case either one of you needs some alone time to adjust and process the situation. Then let your boyfriend know that you care about him and do not want to be hurtful, but that you think the two of you are just taking different paths right now and you think it’s time for the relationship to end. And as you end things with him, let him know how much he and the relationship have meant to you – that you will keep a special place in your heart for him and the time you both have had together.
If your boyfriend conveys that he is feeling sad, angry or disappointed with the break-up, sympathize with him. Let him know that you can understand why he would feel this way and that you are sorry he is feeling this way. Just stay in a compassionate place, that you get that it’s hard when certain things in life come to an end when you don’t want them to.
Since you are the one doing the breaking up, leave it to your boyfriend about how he would like things to be between the two of you from here (as long as you are comfortable with what he wants). Let him know it would be okay if he would like to maintain a friendship, if he would just like to keep things at a simple “hello” when you see each other, or if he needs some space without contact for a while. Let him know that you would like to do whatever would make him most comfortable at this point, since you understand it can be a strange transition going from a romantic relationship to something else – especially if you are seeing each other regularly at school.
End by letting him know that you are happy to be there for him if he needs anything – but that from this point on it will be being there for him as a friend.

If you find you need some further guidance and support with this, speak to your parents, a school guidance counselor, extended family member, or any other adult whom you trust to provide you with some help with this situation.

Signed: TeenHealthFX