Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: March 30, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I dont consider myself a cute girl. Im in the seventh grade and i got my first boyfriend he was a eigth grader and he wanted to have sex with me i told him no and broke up with him but i still have feelings for him.I know ht he just wants to have sex because all his freinds say they did it.What should i do? signed, relasionsships are hectic
Signed: Relationships Are Hectic
Dear Relationships Are Hectic,
TeenHealthFX understands that it can be very difficult when your feelings for someone else are not reciprocated. It sounds like you genuinely like this guy, but that his involvement with you might have been more about his wanting to have sex. FX can understand that this must feel very hurtful and disappointing to you, but we also want to you to remember two things: The first is that you should feel VERY proud of yourself for not giving into having sex with him when clearly it wasn’t something you were personally ready for. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to stand up for yourself and to sacrifice a wanted relationship for, in the end, what fits best into your beliefs and values. Second, FX wants to assure you that his desire to be with you for sex says nothing about your value as an individual. There are many guys out there whose hormones are raging and who subsequently put more time and effort into physical, rather than emotional relationships. This says nothing negative about the girls they pursue for physical relationships, so don’t get down on yourself – especially since you commented that you do not see yourself as a “cute girl,” FX does not want you to take this experience in as any kind of negative about you.
As for what to do – if you really like this guy, you could let him know that you are fine dating him, but that he just needs to know that you will not be having sex with him anytime in the near future. If he agrees to date you and doesn’t put any pressure on you to have sex, then you know he likes you for you. If he doesn’t want to, then you know he is really only interested in sex. And if that is the case, then know that the loss is his, that you will move on and develop a crush on someone else, and that you will end up meeting someone one day who does think you are cute and wonderful and special and wants to date you for all of those reasons – not just because they want to get some!
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens whose parents talk to them regularly about the dangers of drugs are 42% less likely to use drugs than those whose parents don’t, yet only 1 in 4 teens report having these conversations. 
