TeenHealthFX - Answers - 12 YO And Clueless About Being Pursued By Older Guys

ME & Relationships / Question
Published: May 13, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

im a 12 year old girl turning 13 in november. all these older geys are after me(13-17 year olds) i am more developed than most my age or some older than me. i want to stay a vergin till marriage but i dont no if that is possible with all he intreeging guys after me...what can i do?im helpless and or clueless i need your help!!

Signed: 12 YO And Clueless About Being Pursued By Older Guys

Dear 12 YO And Clueless About Being Pursued By Older Guys,

TeenHealthFX appreciates that it can be intriguing, and therefore tempting, to think about exploring relationships with these older guys who are pursuing you. However, FX has great concern about your doing that. You, yourself, have described yourself as “helpless” and “clueless” when it comes to dealing with significant others and all the complexities of dating. Some of these older guys are probably counting on that – that they can use their age, charm, influence, and experience to get what they want from you. Since you are young and developed for your age, what many of these guys are going to want is mainly physical. And FX does not think a 12 year old has the physical maturity, sense of responsibility when it comes to safer sex, or emotional readiness to deal with being sexually active.

FX thinks that you should set some rules for yourself to make sure that you are making safe and wise dating choices. Consider the following:

· Ask your parents at what age you are allowed to start dating and agree to follow their rule.

· Don’t date anyone significantly older than you. If you are 12 now, FX suggests you do not date anyone older than 13.

· If you start to date a guy, let him know from the beginning that you do not plan on being sexually active with him and stick to that statement.

· If you go on dates, only go to places where there will be no temptation to be physically intimate. Have your date over to your house for dinner with your parents or vice-versa. Only go on double-dates or group dates where girl friends of yours are with you and will look out for you.

· Have your parents meet anyone you are thinking of going on a date with – if you don’t want to make it your rule, tell your potential date it is your parents’ rule. Your parents will probably have a good deal of wisdom and experience when it comes to dating and first impressions of people. They will most likely be able to offer you guidance as to whether the person you are thinking of dating is a decent person or whether he seems to have ulterior motives in wanting to see you.

· Talk to one of your parents or some trusted adult about dating. There is so much to know and understand when it comes to romantic relationships. At some point it will important for you to know more about safer sex, staying safe on dates, learning the signs of an abusive relationship, and understanding about the emotional side of dating and how to deal with all the feelings that come up.

Finally, FX recommends that you check out the Girlology website and consider reading Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups and Holding Out, a book on dealing with all the ins and outs of dating relationships. The book might be something good for you to read and discuss with your mother, an aunt or another trusted adult so that you can discuss the issues the book raises.

Signed: TeenHealthFX