Parents & Family / Question
Published: August 3, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi again. Last I wrote my dad lost his job, can't find a job, isn't looking hard enough,and is just being irresponsible. I also said that if he doesn't get a job in like a week he would lose his unemployment money. Lastly I asked you if you would pray for me and my family, and it worked. A couple of days later the unemployment agency called and told us they would give us 5 more months. That money is still not enough though, and I'm not just acting like a spoiled brat. It really (really) isn't enough money for my family to go on with our lives in a safe home. My parents can't even pay the mortgage, let alone our other bills. Please Please Please I ask again please pray for me and my family that my dad gets a job, a well paying job so I don't have to worry about money issues all the time. Thank you soooo much for listening! I'm am praying too, and if you could help that would be just so great. Thank you.
Signed: Father Being Irresponsible About Work
Dear Father Being Irresponsible About Work,
TeenHealthFX does not see you as being a “spoiled brat” because of your concerns. The fact is that every family needs a certain amount of money to survive – whether it’s to pay the mortgage or rent, buy food, pay for household utilities, and take care of whatever other necessities there are. Based on what you have been observing at home, if you have reason to believe that these basics may not be covered in the near future, FX can understand why you would feel so worried. It can feel very scary to think that the family might be short on money – and very frustrating to feel like the money situation is out of your control as one of the children, rather than one of the adults, in the household.
There are many possibilities why your father is not currently working. With the economy the way it is right now, it may be difficult for him to find work in his field. He may also be dealing with some kind of depressive disorder or self-esteem issue that might be getting in the way of his pursuing a job in a more aggressive manner. Or he may simply be irresponsible and may not have done all the growing up and maturing he needs to do. It is impossible for FX to know the reason – but maybe it would help you if you had a better understanding of the situation. FX suggests that you sit down with your parents and tell them that you are concerned about your father being out of work and what it might mean for the family in the months to come. Think about some questions you have for your parents (write them down if you are worried you might forget), and ask them about them. You might inquire about what has been making it hard for your father to find work; what will the family do if your parents are unable to pay the mortgage in the upcoming months; is there anything they can tell you that might help you not to worry so much? You might also ask whether or not they are feeling stressed, and if there can be a family meeting to discuss ways in which everyone can help each other more so that everyone can feel less stressed about the situation.
FX also wonders if it would be helpful for you to have someone outside of the family whom you can talk to and where you can go for some guidance and support with this situation. When school starts up again, you may want to connect with your school counselor so that you have someone to go to with your stresses and concerns. If your family currently has health insurance, you could also find out what therapists in your area are in-network with your health insurance and meet individually and/or with your family to discuss these concerns. Given that money is a main concern here, if you have a copay and are worried about paying it, you can always ask the therapist if he/she would be willing to reduce or eliminate the copay while your father is out of work.
Again, FX appreciates how difficult this must feel for you. With the economy as it is, many children, teens and adults are feeling financial stress – you are not alone in this. FX will continue to think good thoughts for you and your family, and will also continue to hope that things get better for you and your family in the near future.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
One in four teenage girls in the 
