TeenHealthFX - Answers - I Want To Go To Court So I Don't Have To Face My Dad Anymore

Dealing With Divorce, Step-Parents and Step-Siblings / Question
Published: August 10, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

My parents are divorced and my mom just told me when i was 3 years old i told her my dad "stuck his peanut" in me. I am now 14 years old, and i do not want to see my dad, and go to his house anymore. He makes me sick. I was wondering about how i go to court with this so i don't have to. He is also very controlling of me, and doesn't let me do simple things like cooking for myself, watching rated pg-13 or R movies, he has a weird girlfriend. He never tells me anything about his life. He is honestly a creepy guy, i've always thought that but now its just worse. i also remember when i was little being at my cousins house with my mom, and my dad showed up and it was Christmas. and he tried to take me so my mom called the cops, and there was around four police cars. and everyone was screaming and fighting. and i just remember crying and my uncle taking me and my cousins to the other room and told us to play with our toys until it was over. but we just looked out the window watching the blinking lights of the cop cars. please help, im confused. and I want to go to court so i don't have to face my dad anymore.

Signed: I Want To Go To Court So I Don't Have To Face My Dad Anymore

Dear I Want To Go To Court So I Don't Have To Face My Dad Anymore,

Given some of the disturbing memories you have regarding your father, such as this incident with the cops, as well as the possibility that your father may have sexually abused you, TeenHealthFX can certainly appreciate that you might need some space from your father at this point in time. If you would like to put a temporary stop to your visits right now, you could start by letting your Dad know how you feel by talking to him or writing him a letter, or by asking your mother if she would feel comfortable talking to him for you. You or your mother could try to convey to your father that you are dealing with a lot right now in terms of the divorce and certain upsetting memories you have of him as a child – and that for right now you need a break from visits and would appreciate this request, as difficult as it may feel, to be respected.

If your father fights you or your mother on this, FX recommends that your mother speak to her divorce lawyer about what legal options you have to stop visits right now. Your mother’s lawyer can give the best advice as to how you can proceed legally given the laws of your state. Your mother’s lawyer should also have some advise as to how to best present your case that you do not want visits with your father right now as courts will consider how a child feels about visitation depending on that child’s age and maturity level, but will not use the child’s opinion as the only and final factor in making decisions about visitation.

FX thinks that it would be a good idea for you to meet with a mental health professional for a variety of reasons. Clearly you are dealing with a lot of feelings about your father right now – the incident with the cops, this new information that he may have sexually abused with you, and your general feeling of him being “creepy.” FX imagines that you would have a lot of feelings and thoughts that need to be sorted through when it comes to your relationship with him, and that you may benefit from having a safe and private place to explore all of this. A therapist could also help you find a way to deal with this visitation issue – whether giving you the encouragement and support you need to pursue this legally (if necessary), being an advocate for you with your father and/or with the courts in terms of stopping visitation for now, and helping your figure out what kind of relationship you would like with your father now and in the future.

Again, FX feels for you with all that you are going through. You are certainly facing some very difficult issues, and FX thinks that you will be able to best deal with them with the support, guidance and knowledge of others, including your mother, her lawyer, and a mental health professional.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX