Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: May 7, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am an 18-year-old female and I feel as though my boyfriend controls me. He limits the girls I can talk to and talking to guys is definitely out of the question. In turn I feel as though I should do the same to him, so I do. Except I won't simply tell him to not go out at all. I will tell him to not go out 5 times a week, get drunk with his friends and pick up underage girls. Yet, I still feel guilty for telling him not to do this because I feel as though I have stooped down to his level and that I am now controlling him. He makes me feel this way as well. I love him, we are very close and have been dating for a long while, but what should I do?
Signed: Boyfriend Controls Me
Dear Boyfriend Controls Me,
TeenHealthFX understands that being in a relationship with someone who is controlling can be very upsetting and stressful. When you have been with someone for a period of time, and you feel that you love him or her it is often hard to admit that his or her behavior is unacceptable. Trust is a cornerstone of a relationship, and if your boyfriend does not trust you enough to even talk to people he needs to determine what causes him to be so uncomfortable. Perhaps it is time for you to re-evaluate this relationship. Also, you can sit down with your boyfriend and discuss with him why he is feeling jealous. Let him know that having friends is important to you, and something that you are going to do.
There are many reasons why your boyfriend may be acting this way, and while it may be tempting to behave similarly, this will only cause your relationship to become more stressed. Jealousy in relationships often occurs, but over time this should be reduced. If not, it may be an indication that one partner has trouble trusting the other due to past experience or insecurity. After talking with your boyfriend, you may be able to make a decision about continuing this relationship, or deciding that you are not able to have a successful partnership. Should you decide to continue this relationship, it might benefit you both to seek counseling to learn about communication techniques and strategies to help you have successful relationships with this person.
Please know that sometimes these types of relationships can turn abusive. If it comes to that point or if you feel as though you are in immediate physical danger, call your local emergency number or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Among male drivers between 15 and 20 years of age who were involved in fatal crashes in 2005, 38% were speeding at the time of the crash and 24% had been drinking.
