TeenHealthFX - Answers - Maddened By Mates

Friends / Question
Published: May 22, 2002

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Hi, I have a problem with my "mates". About 3 weeks ago I fell out with my best mate and this girl who I've hated for ages due to jealously. I know I have a jealously problem. I've made up with my best mate (we aren't best mates now though ) and I've made a truce with the other girl. That wasn't that bad because I didn't get on my best mates bus (but did get on the other lasses bus ) Now...all my mates have fallen out with me ( I mean all ) because I asked for a lift and then before I know it everyone is hurling abuse, saying I'm ugly, selfish, got no mates, retarded, got no boobs, thick, fall out with peeps for pathetic reasons! Its really getting to me because I need all the mates I can get and they have really upset me. I haven't anyone I can trust because one person I trusted is my "mates" boyfriend and the girlfriend doesn't like the fact he is my best mate and is jealous that I write him letters and I can't write him letters and the last letter I wrote him was very private and he thinks all the fall outs are my fault so he is threatening to show everyone my private letters. I'm in my GCSE exam year so I'm worried and know it will knock me down! Please help, I don't know what I can do.

Signed: Maddened By Mates

Dear Maddened By Mates,

Sounds like you are having a difficult time with your friends and it is causing you a lot of stress. Friendships are difficult to manage, especially during the school years, but it is important that you take a closer look at the people you are calling your "mates".

True friendships are based on mutual respect, honesty and trust. Friends should bring you joy, not sadness and worry. Friends do not treat each other badly, nor do they turn on one another.

When a friend violates your trust, it can take a long time to trust again. Maybe you need to ask yourself if these people are worth it.

Talking openly and honestly to the friends that have let you down may be a good start to seeing if they are true friends. If you are afraid to talk to them, or if you don't think that you can resolve your differences, then maybe it is time to move on and find a different group of people to meet. Maybe you can join a club or start a new hobby that involves meeting new people.

TeenHealthFX is concerned that you mention that you have a problem with jealousy. Jealousy can often erode the foundation of a friendship, so maybe you need to work at building positive feelings about yourself. If these feelings become too much for you, FX recommends that you reach out to talk to someone. A parent, counselor, or other trusted adult may be able to help.

As you get older and become more mature, you will make friends with new people and maybe grow out of old friendships. Central to any relationship is the ability to trust, talk and get along with one another. Find out what you want out of a friendship and try not to let falling out with your friends affect you.

For more information on friendships click What Is A Good Friendship?, Envious Of My Friend , and My Best Friend And I Are On The Rocks.

Signed: TeenHealthFX