Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: August 5, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I really like the guy, I can't stop thinking about him. He's about two years older than me (I'm 14). He does some things that I don't really agree with morally. He smokes, does drugs and I don't think he is a virgin. I made out with him one time and we had fun. He never tried to force me to do anything, he asked me if I wanted to go further than kissing and I said no. And he didn't pressure me at all. Okay, so I guess my question is, should I give this guy a chance, even though he does those bad things, and ditch him if he tried to get me to go against my morals? Or just forget about him right now?
Signed: Like a Guy Who Has Different Morals
Dear Like a Guy Who Has Different Morals,
It sounds like you sure have a lot to think about. Certainly, having a relationship with someone who has different values than you can be difficult. In your case though, you have a few important things going for you.
It seems like you have a good handle on what you believe in and what kind moral code you want to abide by. TeenHealthFX thinks that is terrific and that you can use that strength to help you make tough choices. If you stick to what is important to you and stand behind your beliefs even if it may not be the most popular decision at the time, you will likely look back and feel that you did the right thing.
It also sounds like your guy has been respectful of the boundaries you have set up - and that is really important too. Try being open with him about how you feel about his smoking and drug use. Good communication is a big part of any relationship. You have been open with him before, so why stop now? If he insists on continuing with behaviors that make you feel uncomfortable, then it may be time to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship.
Whatever you decide, just be sure to listen to yourself through all of this -- you seem to have a strong sense of what works for you and what does not. Do your best to stay true to that and remember that nobody, no matter what kind of relationship you have with them, has the right to pressure you or make you feel that you need to compromise your values.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens who drink are more likely to be victims of violent crimes and sexual assault, have serious problems in school, be involved in drinking-related traffic crashes, and develop problems with alcohol later in life.
