Not Satisfied With Being Single / Question
Published: December 14, 2001
Dear TeenHealthFX,
: I'm 15 and really don't know why I'm such a big turnoff to girls. I mean I give them everything they want; I've been there for them; I've felt concern for them; and still, I get rejected. I'm 5'9" and lost 20 pounds 2 years ago because I was so fat. I workout whenever I find the time but do not get any respect from them because they all take me for what happened two years ago, some heel. I have thrown that behind me. But now I'm starting to get VERY paranoid. Now I'm asking the question, how do my friends take me, and when will I find the right girl for me--one who RESPECTS me for WHO I AM? Thank you.
Signed: Paranoid, Confused and Single
Dear Paranoid, Confused and Single,
TeenHealthFX hears your frustration. You stated that girls do not like you because of what happened two years ago, but did not mention what happened two years ago. However, you did mention about two years ago you were overweight. Are these one in the same? We will assume they are (if they are not, please write us back.)
First, TeenHealthFX wants to point out that "being rejected" (assuming you mean after asking a girl for a date) and "not getting any respect" are two different things. The first, simply means, "sorry, not interested." As much as it hurts, it is part of dating. Not every girl will be interested, and that's okay - just because there is not chemistry does not mean there cannot be respect. Think of it this way, you probably are not interested in every girl, right? If rejection is done in a kind, mature manner it is not disrespectful, just honest.
However, if someone is nasty or cruel with a rejection, then, you are being disrespected. No one deserves to be disrespected and TeenHealthFX thinks you are better off without someone who does not show you respect, anyway.
With regard to working out, TeenHealthFX thinks this can be both successful and enjoyable, provided it is done in a healthy manner. TeenHealthFX recommends you see your doctor, school nurse, or gym teacher to help create an exercise plan that is appropriate for you.
Finally, you mention feeling paranoid about how your friends see you and whether you will ever find the right girl. Most people feel a little nervous about how they come across to others, especially those they are interested in dating. Most teenagers, and more than likely, your own friends, are asking themselves the very same questions. Remember your friends are around you because of the kind of person you are, not the way you look. Treat them the way you want them to treat you - with respect. However, if you are feeling more than a little nervous and are worrying excessively about this, talk to a trusted adult - one who knows you and how you interact socially - perhaps a school counselor, teacher or coach. Maybe this person could give you some tips.
Remember being turned down for a few dates is okay. Finding the right girl takes time and patience.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens whose parents talk to them regularly about the dangers of drugs are 42% less likely to use drugs than those whose parents don’t, yet only 1 in 4 teens report having these conversations. 
