Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: October 17, 2001
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I was hoping someone could help me with this. I am A 17 year old lesbian, born and raised in a small suburban town in N.J. I was in my school's GSA, which I loved dearly and finally had come into my own. I was out, and it was wonderful that I could be who I was. Recently I moved to Pennsylvania, to a school where "fags and dykes" and basically anything different are persecuted. At first it was fun, no one knowing I mean, but now I'm just alone and can't tell anyone who I am. It is affecting me more than I thought it would and I do not have the slightest idea what to do. That would be the first issue of mine. The second is about someone back home. I met her through school and hadn't really been close to her until this past year. There was a lot of speculation about this teacher's sexuality, and when she joined the GSA, we were all pretty convinced she was gay. Somehow she became sort of a personal mentor to me, we'd talked a few times, and she always made time to listen to me. It wasn't long before I developed a crush on her. My friends and I made jokes about how she was "scary" because she was a bit iffy in her conduct around students, but I never thought much about it until certain things started happening that made me wonder. It was never overtly blunt or anything, just a few comments here and there, some more suspicious then others. Such as her not liking e-mail because it is not completely secure and "she and I could say things we wouldn't want anyone else to know about", compliments on outfits I'd worn, and such and just the way she looked at me. My friends have seen this, and heard the instances and they all say she's interested or they think she was, but because of her age (and the fact she's a teacher) it's just not possible that she could be. I don't know what to do on this. I have absolutely no idea what to think and I do not attend the school anymore. Do I continue the friendship? Try to find out what is going on. I really don't know, perhaps you can help?
Signed: Gym Teacher Love?
Dear Gym Teacher Love?,
First, a quick reference for some of our readers. The GSA stands for Gay-Straight Alliance. The GSA is a student initiated and student run club in a public or private schools. The goal of the GSA is to provide a safe, supportive environment for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and straight youth to meet and discuss sexual orientation and work to create a school environment free of discrimination, harassment and intolerance.
Many gay adolescents in small rural communities complain of the isolation and loneliness they feel because of their sexual orientation. In your case it has become very difficult to adjust because you are coming from an environment that was more broadminded and allowed you to be yourself without fear of reprisals. Now you are in a hostile environment, which means you have to hide from the world a part of yourself, because of other people's ignorance and hatred. Not only is this immensely unfair but it is hard to comprehend as well.
It may be helpful to look for an organization in your area that provides support groups for gay teens. Although it may seem that these organization would not exist where you live, there is a good chance there are some. There are also many websites available to help gay youth. Check out OutProud, Youth Resource, and Lambda GLBT Youth Outreach.
Your second issue is a problem that has been faced by many young people regardless of their sexual orientation. TeenHealthFX cannot say with certainty what your teacher's intentions are towards you, but we can say with conviction that any intimate relationship between a teacher and a teen or an adult with a teen is not only inappropriate but illegal as well. Since you have a crush on this person and are vulnerable because of your current state of affairs, you have to be careful not to get into a situation where you can be exploited.
If you wish to continue the friendship then it would be important that you make it very clear that you are only interested in friendship and support. If your teacher truly has your best interests at heart, she will understand your concerns and be able to reassure you.
TeenHealthFX would like to say that in light of recent world events that we need to practice tolerance towards others more then ever. Hatred of others leads allows us to become blind to humanity.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
