TeenHealthFX - Answers - I Met Him Off A Message Board

Online Relationships / Question
Published: June 27, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I am a 14 year old girl who likes an older guy.I met him off of a message board on the internet.I have been talking to him for 3 years now,I know I am young but I know that I love him(he tells me he loves me too).The only problem is hes is 18 and is everything my parents don't want me to be involved with.He also doesn't live here,or anywheres close to here.I don't talk sexualy to him or anything,but we play around with stuff like that. He also thinks I'm 16..when I'm not.he wants to met me,and hes willing to fly here,but I'm to scared to actually met him because I don't want to loose him. Is all of this ok,or should I just keep liking him till it all ends on its own?(we fight ALOT!)

Signed: I Met Him Off A Message Board

Dear I Met Him Off A Message Board,

TeenHealthFX thinks you already may know the answer - that what is happening is not okay for several reasons:

You have not been honest with him about your age - how do you know he is been honest with you about his? The Internet makes it very easy to not be truthful about what people are really like - how they look, how old they are, where they live, what their personalities are like. There are reports every day of adults who prey sexually on children after meeting them on-line.
If he really is 18, there is still too much of an age difference between the two of you. Although you say you do not talk sexually, you say you "play around with stuff like that." It is illegal in most states for an adult to have sex with someone underage.
You have not met each other in person and you are fighting a lot already.
You are afraid you are going to lose him if you meet him in person.
It is not exactly clear, but it sounds like your parents do not know that you are having an on-line relationship with him.

TeenHealthFX cannot make this decision for you, but adding it all up it does not sound like a good basis for a relationship - already it is not based on trust. TeenHealthFX recommends that you read our answer to Sex On The Net for our advice on on-line relationships.

Signed: TeenHealthFX