Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: July 22, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My boyfriend is 16 years old has real bad family problems. He is often depressed and thinks about suicide a lot. He tells me that if I weren't in his life he would have already killed himself and that if we broke up he will probably kill himself. We have been dating for 3 years. How can I tell if he is being serious about killing himself? I'm afraid that if we break up that he is going to kill himself, so I feel obligated not to end the relationship. What do I do?
Signed: Feel Obligated Not To End The Relationship
Dear Feel Obligated Not To End The Relationship,
First, you need to tell your parents or another trusted adult, teacher or counselor what your boyfriend has told you. Although you may still care for your ex-boyfriend this is not and cannot be your burden or responsibility to handle alone.
The adult(s) can help your boyfriend get the professional help he needs. Threatening suicide if you breakup with him means that he is not in control of his feelings and is trying to exert control over the situation by threatening to hurt himself to make you stay. His trying to control you using threats of suicide is abusive to you.
It is important that you know that this is in no way your fault - you are not responsible for your boyfriend's feelings or actions. Feeling obligated to date someone is not a healthy basis for a relationship - if you stay with him when you do not want to it will make you feel resentful and unhappy and he will learn that he has power over you knowing that you do not want anything to happen to him.
Again, get an adult involved immediately. Your boyfriend needs to see a professional as soon as possible. If your boyfriend lives in northern New Jersey he can call the ACCESS Center at Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400. Outside this area he can log on the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) website for referrals in his area.
If you think your boyfriend is in danger of hurting himself, dial 9-1-1. In northern New Jersey, you or he can call the Crisis Hotline at Morristown Memorial Hospital at 973.540.0100. Outside of this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 800.999.9999.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Statistics show that giving a teen a credit card does not teach them to be financially responsible or to encourage self-restraint, but actually promotes a “spend now and deal with the consequences later” mindset.
