Sexuality: Gay, Straight & Bisexual / Question
Published: December 3, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
hi i am totally on love with my relgious studies she is so gorgeous. i am a lesbian and she is open minded, she knows that i like her and she was really pleased about it but then when my friend asked her if she wanted to talk she said no and said if i hear another word about it i will report it, this is so hard for me and i want to die, can you help?
Signed: Teen Lesbian
Dear Teen Lesbian,
TeenHealthFX is not sure but it sounds as if you are referring to one of your teachers. If this is the case then your teacher did the correct thing by not encouraging a relationship. It is inappropriate and illegal (depending on age), for a teacher to enter into an intimate relationship with a student. Sexual orientation has no bearing on the matter. It is just as unhealthy for a straight teen to be involved with a teacher as it is for a gay teen.
If this woman is your teacher it sounds as if she was setting a boundary, which was the appropriate thing to do. Since you seem to admire this person soo much, you put yourself at risk to be exploited. It is not uncommon for young people to fantasize about their teachers given that they often play such an important role in our lives. However, it is important to remember that fantasies are harmless, while acting on impulses can have real world consequences. In many ways your teacher by rebuffing your overture is sending the message that she cares enough about you not to cause you harm. If you give the situation time it will work its way out.
If this girl is another student in your class then it is a matter of a broken heart, which can be painful. Loving someone and not having him or her love us in return can cause us to feel embarrassed and question our own self-worth. This can be especially hard for gay teens. Not only do they have to deal with the emotional component, but also they have to be worried about being outed, sometimes in very hostile environments. If this is another student, hopefully she will be sensitive to the situation and protect your privacy.
TeenHealthFX is concerned that you are having such a hard time dealing with this situation that dying has entered into your thoughts. Love can be the most rewarding and painful of our experiences but it should cause someone to want to end their life. If your are currently contemplating suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you should seek help right away by going to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can call the Crisis Hotline from Atlantic Health Systems at 973-540-0100 for immediate assistance. If you live outside of New Jersey, please call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline 1-800-999-9999 - it's open 24 hours, 7 days a week.
If you are not actively suicidal then therapy would be a good place to start to help your self feel better. Adolescence can be a very difficult and confusing time and sometimes it helps to have somewhere to go where you can talk about it. Being gay can also make the experience much harder because of all the biases that homosexual people have to deal with.
If you live in northern New Jersey and would like help finding a therapist, call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400 for an appointment. Also look in our links section for organizations aimed at helping gay teens.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
About a third of women who seek services related to unprotected sex, such as pregnancy testing or emergency contraception, do not receive STD counseling, testing, or treatment.
