Sexual Readiness? / Question
Published: May 28, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I was raped when I was nine years old by a family friend I didn't tell anyone until I was fifteen which was a year ago, I thought I would become myself again as it was off my chest but it has made it worse! I now I have a boyfriend who wants to get physical but I don't want to as I have images in my head of when I was raped I don't even like being alone with him as I'm so scared. I always finding myself pushing anyone away who has feelings for me or who I have feelings for - is this because of what happened to me? I have no one to talk to about how I am feeling, as my friends don't understand, I have been to a counselor but it didn't help, what else can I do? Please help I'm so confused!
Signed: Raped, Now BF Wants To Be Physical - What Can I Do?
Dear Raped, Now BF Wants To Be Physical - What Can I Do?,
Being the victim of sexual abuse is very traumatic, and recovery is an ongoing process. You spent a very long time suffering with this experience all by yourself. You deserve to give yourself ample time to work through it now that you have finally started talking to others about it. Like any major trauma it takes time, support and usually therapy to work through the issues that arise from being victimized.
We are sorry to hear that talking to a counselor didn't help. However, it's very important that you continue talking with someone about how you are feeling, this is too much for you to bear alone. You're right, it's probably difficult for your friends to truly understand what you are going through, but you need to be able to turn to someone for help. We suggest you speak to a parent or another family member, a teacher, or any adult you feel comfortable confiding in. We'd also like to suggest that you try again to speak with a counselor or join a support group. There are many counselors and groups that deal specifically with victims of sexual abuse. You just need to find the one that is right for you.
If you would like more information or would like help finding a therapist in your area, you can contact Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAIN) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week. In northern New Jersey you can also call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400 for an appointment with a therapist.
TeenHealthFX feels confident that you will be able to have a normal relationship again. Rape is very traumatic, but it is something people recover from. Whoever you choose to talk to, we suggest you discuss your relationship with your boyfriend and your fears about being intimate. We also think it might help for you to be honest with Your boyfriend about what you're going through, and ask for his patience. If he cares about you, he can be a source of comfort as you work through this. It is understandable that the thought of having sex is scary after what you have experienced, but if you spend some time working through these issues you will be able to have a healthy intimate relationship.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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