TeenHealthFX - Answers - Pressure to Ejaculate

Male Body Concerns / Question
Published: February 23, 2006

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Hi im an 18 year old male in a sexually active relationship with my girlfriend,i always wear a condom and am FULLY aware of the risks of sex and sexually transmitted diseases!!! my question is i cannot ejaculate during intercourse i have ALREADY refered to a similar queston from a female asking this question about her boyfriend.I do not have this problem alone and i feel no pressure on myself to ejaculate during sex so I am wondering could I subconciously not be very attracted to my gilfriend???

Signed: Pressure to Ejaculate

Dear Pressure to Ejaculate,

TeenHealthFX compliments you on practicing safer sex, as well as being informed about the risks of STD’s. You are certainly not alone in what you are experiencing – there are many other men who have difficulty ejaculating during intercourse. While FX cannot give an accurate assessment on why this is a problem for you, here are some possibilities:

Since you indicated that you do not have a problem ejaculating when masturbating, most likely what you are experiencing is not a result of a medical problem or possibly a side-effect of medication. However, to be safe you might want to meet with your primary care physician to ensure that there are no underlying medical issues.
Some men have difficulty ejaculating while using a condom because of decreased sensation. FX recommends trying lubrication when using a condom (non oil-based so as not to cause any breaks in the condom) or a different type of condom.
When we do something unconsciously, it means we are acting on feelings we are not even aware of. It is certainly possible that you may have some underlying negative feelings about your girlfriend, or about the idea of relationships in general, that are causing this disruption in your sex life. In addition to negative feelings about relationships, sometimes we are not be fully aware of how stressed out we are or that we may be experiencing something like depression. Certain negative feelings like this could also be a contributing factor.
FX does not know whether or not you frequently use pornography. For some men, frequent use of pornography can negatively alter their view of what sex should be like or what their sexual partner should look like. This can also be a contributing factor.
You may want to have a discussion with your girlfriend to reevaluate whether or not the two of you are both feeling equally ready to be sexually active with one another. If you are feeling uncomfortable in any way with being sexually intimate with your girlfriend, or if you are picking up that on some level she may be uncomfortable or not truly ready to be having sex, this could certainly lead to some disruptions in your sex life.

As stated above, without meeting with you and having a more comprehensive history about you and about this particular issue, FX is unable to give you a definite reason of what the problem may be. We recommend that you meet with your primary care physician and/or with a mental health provider in order to gain more clarification on what the underlying cause may be. If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX