TeenHealthFX - Answers - Is It Normal To Have Bisexual Feelings Come Up When Drinking?

Sexuality: Gay, Straight & Bisexual / Question
Published: January 30, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Hello TeenHealthFX! First of all, I just really want to say how much I appreciate and enjoy this site. Your staff is very professional and answers very well. I am an 18 year old female and I have been in a relationship with a guy who is SUCH a keeper. He is good to me, funny and he's very attractive. But at the same time, I find when I am, specifically, drinking at parties (I know I’m not 19 yet, and you can crucify me later for that ha-ha!) but, the closer he gets to me the more I fend him off because I’m too busy trying to stare at girls and try to even dance or kiss them. It’s weird. Then the next day I feel so bad if for having those feelings but when I start drinking again it begins all over again! It’s happened with every boyfriend I’ve had! Just wondering if Alcohol and Bisexual feelings are normal? I know you’ve answered MANY "Am I Bi" questions before, but this one is a little different in my situation.Yours Tuly, Alcohol and Girls, do they mix?

Signed: Is It Normal To Have Bisexual Feelings Come Up When Drinking?

Dear Is It Normal To Have Bisexual Feelings Come Up When Drinking?,

When you state that you “wondering if Alcohol and Bisexual feelings are normal,” it sounds like you are asking about whether or not there is some connection between alcohol use and experiencing bisexual feelings. And the answer is, yes, there certainly may be a connection – but that is not to say that being intoxicated automatically causes or creates those particular feelings. When people are intoxicated, their guard comes down – and so certain moods, thoughts, and behaviors might show themselves only when people are drunk because they have more power and control over themselves to keep these specific sides of who they are more contained when they are sober. What this means for you, is that if you find that you experience sexual feelings towards women when you are intoxicated, that attraction is a part of who you are and something that is already inside of you regardless of whether you are drunk or not – the use alcohol just lowers the gates, so to speak, to let that part of you come out and show itself.

One reason why it may be difficult for these feelings to come out when you are sober is that there may be a part of you that feels negatively about the idea of your being attracted to other women. While it is perfectly normal and okay to be bisexual or homosexual, the prejudices in our society and negative stereotypes many people are bombarded with about being attracted to people of the same sex can make it hard for people who are bisexual or homosexual to feel okay with and accepting of their sexual orientation. So they learn to hide or bury these feelings because of the negative association they have or that they worry others will have. But when alcohol is put into the picture and the guard comes down – it becomes much harder to hide or bury these feelings.

TeenHealthFX is wondering if it might be helpful for you to speak to somebody about how you are feeling and what you have been experiencing. A family member, friend, therapist, or any other trusted person in your life might be a helpful source of guidance and support and as you sort through what might be feeling like some confusing emotions for you right now.

As for your comment that we will “crucify” you for the alcohol use, TeenHealthFX certainly does not want to come across that we are out to get people when it comes to things like alcohol use. When we raise concerns with the teens writing into our site, it is not with the intent to be critical or punishing – but out of care and concern because we want teens to make decisions and behave in ways that keeps them healthy, both emotionally and physically. Since it sounds like from reading through our site that you are already feeling clear about our view of the risks and dangers associated with underage drinking and binge drinking at parties – all we will say is keep in mind what you have read and what you know about the problems associated with alcohol use, and try and make decisions that are protective and caring towards yourself when it comes to drinking.

Signed: TeenHealthFX