TeenHealthFX - Answers - Confused About Sexual Orientation

Sexuality: Gay, Straight & Bisexual / Question
Published: November 26, 2008

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I am a teenage girl.I thought i was Bi but lately i have been more sexually attracted to girls than normal.I am not sure if this means i am a lesbian or not.I really think i am losing sexual interest in guys but i am not sure.Do you think i could have a push in that direction , because i am really confused.

Signed: Confused About Sexual Orientation

Dear Confused About Sexual Orientation,

Sexual orientation can be a confusing issue – especially during adolescence where there can certainly be a normal amount of sexual curiosity that doesn’t necessarily mean a person is bisexual or gay. The fact is, you can be attracted to somebody of the same gender without being gay, and you can be attracted to somebody of the opposite gender and still be gay.

TeenHealthFX recommends that you not focus on giving yourself a label at this point in time – you may be bi, gay or straight, but figuring out your true sexual orientation is something that will come with time and age. What is very important to remember right now is that whether you call yourself straight, gay, bi, or something else altogether, or you simply see yourself in limbo for now, know that your thoughts and feelings are completely natural and absolutely okay. And know that sometimes it is okay to just live in the now and to live with some uncertainty without worrying too much about what the future will bring and figuring out the “right” answer.

If you find you are having difficulty coping with these thoughts and feelings, or need some support and guidance with this, consider speaking with a trusted adult. You could speak with your parents, a school counselor, teacher, or a private therapist. If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

And no matter what your sexual orientation – whether you choose to pursue girls, guys, or both – just remember to be safe. Pace yourself with relationships and physical intimacy in a way that feels emotionally healthy for you. And always make smart decisions when it comes to having sex. Not having sex is the safest way to avoid unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STIs, but if you do choose to have sex make sure that you use protection during oral, anal, and vaginal sex.

To learn more about safer sex practices, speak with your primary care physician or adolescent medicine specialist. If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

Signed: TeenHealthFX