Sexuality & Sexual Health: Miscellaneous / Question
Published: January 12, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I love my boyriend and would do anything for him to keep him happy but, he loves sex and sometimes i don't feel like it but i do it anyway. does that make me a bad girlfriend?
Signed: Does Not Liking Sex Make Me A Bad Girlfriend?
Dear Does Not Liking Sex Make Me A Bad Girlfriend?,
Not liking sex, not being ready for sex, or not giving into your significant other’s advances does NOT make you a bad girlfriend in any way. You did not mention how old you are, but as a teen it is very possible that your not liking sex is due to your just not being ready to take such a serious step in physical intimacy at this point in your life. To not be ready yet is completely normal and absolutely okay – and TeenHealthFX feels very strongly that your boyfriend (or anyone else) should not be angry with you or viewing you as a “bad girlfriend” if this is where you are at.
FX also thinks that if you are not emotionally ready to be having sex, that you should not be having sex. Have a discussion with your boyfriend and explain to him that you were going along with having sex because you care about him and wanted to feel like you were being a good girlfriend. But that in thinking about this further, you realized you are not feeling ready for sex and need to take a step back in terms of how physically intimate the two of you are being – and that you are also feeling clearer that going along with something that makes you feel uncomfortable does not make you a better girlfriend. Explain to your boyfriend that this decision has nothing to do with how you feel about him – just how you feel about having sex at this point in your life. If your boyfriend gets angry at you or says you are being a “bad girlfriend” than tell him that you should be the one who feels angry and who is viewing him as an uncaring boyfriend if he can’t understand and respect how you feel.
Keep in mind that your happiness is just as important as your boyfriends and you do not have to constantly sacrifice your happiness for his. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and try to make decisions in the relationship in the future that take your feelings into consideration.
If you need to talk to someone further to get some guidance and support in dealing with this issue, or if you are concerned that there might be some underlying reasons that sex is not appealing for you (such as with those who have been sexually abused), then FX suggests that you speak with your parents, a counselor at school, or a private therapist.
If you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
In the 
