TeenHealthFX - Answers - 16 And Pregnant - Don't Want To Disappoint My Parents Or Boyfriend

Pregnancy: I Know I'm Pregnant / Question
Published: May 18, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

i'm 16 and i found out about two days ago that i'm pregnant... with twins! my boyfriend told me he wants to marry, since i'm almost 17 and he's almost 19. both our parents support this but they still want us to graduate and attend college. i'm scared that i'll be making a mistake by not getting an abortion so i can go through highschool and college undistracted by a marriage and two babies. my parents told me they didn't want me to have them and give them up for adoption, and i don't want my bf to be disappointed with me. how can i get through this?

Signed: 16 And Pregnant - Don't Want To Disappoint My Parents Or Boyfriend

Dear 16 And Pregnant - Don't Want To Disappoint My Parents Or Boyfriend,

TeenHealthFX appreciates that you don’t want to disappoint or displease your parents or your boyfriend, but it is also extremely important for you to consider what will work for you. As the mother, a great deal will fall on you in terms of caring for these babies – there will be parts of it that will feel wonderful, but it will also be a lot of work, a lot of money, a lot of responsibility, and it will mean sacrifices on your part – and you need to think about whether you are truly ready for all of that at this point in your life. If you choose to keep and raise these babies, you will be responsible to these children for the next 18 years and have them in your life in one way or another for the rest of your life – that is a lot to take on for the sake of not wanting to disappoint or displease someone else.

When you think about the financial and emotional space you will be in if you raise these babies, will you be able to stay emotionally healthy and financially stable for your sake and the sake of the children? FX thinks that it is important for you to think about what really will work for you and then present that to your parents and boyfriend. If it is not what they would prefer, you could say something like, “I know this is not the choice you would like me to make. And I really hope by making this choice you won’t be disappointed in me, angry with me, and that our relationship won’t be significantly affected in any negative way. But I really do need to take all kinds of factors into consideration when I decide what is best for me and everyone else involved in the short-term and in the long-run”

To help you decide how ready you are to be a parent, please read through the questions posed in My Boyfriend Wants A Baby, But I’m Not Ready. FX also thinks that it is important that you talk this out with a trusted adult – a therapist, school counselor, medical care provider, extended family member or anyone else who can process this with you so can decide what the best choice for you is and so you can get the help and support you need depending on what choice you make.

You can get more information on options and various resources through the American Pregnancy Association. Since this is an unplanned pregnancy, you can call 1-800-672-2296 to find out about your options and to get some support and guidance for this situation. And if you have no medical insurance, you can call 1-800-450-0183.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

Signed: TeenHealthFX