Sexuality: Gay, Straight & Bisexual / Question
Published: June 19, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm a 16 yo boy, home is horrible and I think I'm cracking up. My twin brother recently revealed he is gay and my parents were so hard on him he ran away. I know where he is staying and I go visit him but he refuses to go to school because he thinks they can get to him through school. Me and him were both jocks but he's resigned from all of it and the jocks pick on me for having a brother that is gay. I don't really care if he is or not but I wish people wouldn't bug me because he is. I say I think I'm cracking up because whenever I go to see him there are other boys around (it's a big place) and I think he's having relationships with them. Should I ask him? If I do ask and he says no I will feel so much better but if he says yes I'm not sure how I would react. I don't want to abandon him like my parents did. What do you think I should do?
Signed: Twin Brother Is Gay
Dear Twin Brother Is Gay,
The first thing to do is understand that your reaction to this situation is normal. Sexuality and sexual orientation are tough issues to deal with during your teen years. Dealing with a sibling or family members' revelation of their sexual orientation can be even more difficult.
Your brother probably was hoping for support from those closest to him - his family - when he revealed his sexual orientation. TeenHealthFX applauds you for being supportive of your brother. Your parents' reaction to your brother's news may have crushed him and he saw only one option but to leave. Unfortunately, while it is a common response, running away is not the best option - because your brother is a minor, he can be arrested and returned to his parents according to the law.
Your brother's life has changed in many aspects due to this revelation and these changes - with school, with friends or work are much harder to handle without a strong, supportive family. It is important that you talk to your parents. Let them know how you are feeling and that their reactions have greatly affected you as well. There is an organization to help parents understand their gay children called PFLAG.
As far as feeling like you are cracking up - this may be an awkward situation for you until you fully understand and accept your brother's homosexuality. You may want to speak with your brother and let him know that you support him and at the same time you are feeling awkward with this new information. Your brother may be feeling safe and close with the other boys who are staying in the same place if they are going through the same situation. Remember, your brother's sexual activities and relationships are private and it is his choice to share these details with you. However, if you ask, you need to be able to handle the answer.
Your brother needs your ongoing support and love. Your visits to him probably mean more than you realize. Your parents need to work through their issues with your brother. Hopefully, they will be able to give your brother the love and support he needs. By letting your parents know that you still accept and love your brother, maybe they will be able to get beyond their initial reaction and give him the love and support he needs.
Another thing you can do for your brother is give him these websites that can help him out:
Gay & Lesbian Youth in New Jersey (GALY-NJ)
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Each year, half of all HIV infections are among people under the age of 25.
