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12 YO - Sex Video With Boyfriend - Reputation?

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I let my ex-boyfriend take a video of me with no clothes on and giving him oral sex. I learned from another boy in school that he is showing it to his friends now that we are broken up. This boy asked me for sex. I don't like him but I am afraid to tell him no. What should I do? I am only 12 but an afraid my reputation is ruined.
Signed: 12 YO - Sex Video With Boyfriend - Reputation?

Dear 12 YO - Sex Video With Boyfriend - Reputation?,


TeenHealthFX understands how this can be frightening and embarrassing for you.

First, TeenHealthFX wants you to talk to your parents (if not them, find an adult you trust) and that you feel comfortable with. You need to let them know what is happening so that they can help you talk to the police about this matter. Due to your age, no video should have ever been taken of you with 1) no clothes on and 2) engaging in oral sex. If it is difficult to come right out and tell your parents (or another adult), it may be easier to show them this answer to start the conversation. It is illegal as well as embarrassing for your boyfriend to show the video. You do not tell TeenHealthFX if he took the video with your okay, however, even if you had agreed to it at the time it is clearly wrong for him to have done that and it is now very wrong to be showing it to anyone else


Secondly, TeenHealthFX is also very concerned about you physically and emotionally. Please realize that twelve is too young to be having sex for a few reasons (your body is not fully developed, your emotions are not fully developed and also, the law says twelve year olds are not able to consent (meaning saying yes) to sex). You do not tell us if you were practicing safer sex  with your ex-boyfriend. Having unprotected sex can lead to serious health problems, so you need to be checked for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). TeenHealthFX wants you to see your doctor for an examination to screen you for STDs. If you are not comfortable talking to your own doctor and you live in northern New Jersey, please call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at (973) 971.6475. Outside of this area, you can contact your local Planned Parenthood or teen health center. These services all provide confidential care at low or no cost.


You are also feeling afraid to say no to sex with someone you do not like. TeenHealthFX wants you to say no to this boy. Again, by talking to a trusted adult who can help, you can start to figure out what to do. This adult needs to help you find you a professional to talk to about what is been going on and can help you to decide what is best for you now and in the future. You want to begin to make decisions based on what is good for you - not based on fear or because of pressure. To find a counselor in northern New Jersey, you can call the Atlantic Behavioral Health System Access Center to find a counselor at (888) 247.1400.

TeenHealthFX is glad that you wrote. Please talk to an adult who can help you get the emotional, physical and legal support that you need.

Signed: TeenHealthFX