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Beaten By My Boyfriend

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,


I’m so tired of getting beaten by my boyfriend and my family always telling me I'm so retarded.

Signed: Beaten By My Boyfriend

Dear Beaten By My Boyfriend,


TeenHealthFX is very concerned to hear that you are in a physically abusive relationship with your boyfriend, and is also very sorry to hear that your family tends to put you down rather than to be supportive and encouraging of you in a positive way.


FX thinks that you deserve to be treated with care and respect by your boyfriend, your family, and anyone else in your life. And we feel strongly that you need to do two things to get yourself into a healthier space with these situations. The first thing FX strongly suggests is to find a safe way to end this relationship with your boyfriend. To learn more about what defines an abusive dating relationship, as well as what to do to get yourself out of an abusive relationship, please read “Could I Be In An Abusive Relationship?” under the Rape, Abuse And Violence category of the Emotional Health section of the website. The information in this question/answer will give you some guidelines about how to safely end an abusive relationship, as well as a list of resources that are available to you to help you in this process.


The second thing that FX recommends is that you find ways to build up a healthy support system for yourself. It is important to seek out and establish positive connections with people who will act in a caring, protective, and helpful manner towards you. Some possibilities might include:


  • Extended family members
  • Adult neighbors
  • School staff members, such as guidance counselors, social workers, psychologists, teachers, coaches, or principals
  • Your primary care physician.
  • Private therapists or counselors (FX does recommend that you start counseling with a mental health professional to deal with issues around the abusive relationship with your boyfriend, as well as the put-downs that you have been enduring at home).
  • Peer support groups (possibly available through your school, or local hospitals or mental health agencies; you could also contact you insurance company through the 800 number listed on your insurance card to get a list of therapy groups available in your area)


If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.


If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact Girl’s Street – A Young Woman’s Health Program – at 908.522.2555.


If you are ever in immediate danger of being harmed by your boyfriend, go to local police station, hospital emergency room, or call 911.

You can also contact the following hotlines for more information and for help:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline,     1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY line for deaf callers), 24 hours, 7days a week
  • Crime Victim Hotline, 1-800-242-0804, 24 hours, 7 days a week. Help if you have been a victim of a crime.


Signed: TeenHealthFX